Sunday, April 1, 2012

let's get honest

:: new buddies - he's obsessed with my maddie girl. 
the feeling is not yet mutual :: 

this week was hard. i said it. for the first time since going back to work, i felt the two-sided guilt. guilty when i'm not home has been an emotion i've felt since the first time i left wyatt for an extended amount of time. since going back to work, the wave usually only comes as i leave in the morning and by the time i've got my starbucks, i'm usually distracted by the days events ahead. this week our global team got together for the first time in 18 months and is was so much fun having everyone here. we had long days and three evening events planned and i knew that it was going to be hard on me. i wanted to be realistic and try and balance as best i could. ty had a work event on thursday evening, and my team event was planned for tuesday. we had another fun event planned for wednesday and an optional dinner on thursday.

before wyatt, i'd go to all three, no questions asked. but it's different now.

i decided to go to the team dinner on tuesday and ty was sweet enough to bring him to the offsite during our lunch hour so i could see the two of them, nurse the babe, etc. it made my day. i had a great evening with the team and the waves of guilt were minimal. when i got home i was pooped and ready for bed. wyatt - not so much. he was my little cling-on that night. while at the team event i had decided that i would really like to go to the dinner on wednesday with the entire team, but after the night we had, my instincts told me otherwise. i just felt ilke i needed to be home on wednesday - especially since ty was going to be gone on thursday night. "family time" is super important to me - time where it's the three of us home together is an absolute must for me. without it, i feel super disconnected from... well, life. (ty did send me little videos like this that i live for!)


but. wednesday night sucked. wyatt was a mess, i was a mess, ty had things to do to get ready for thursday and i was absolutely exhausted. and, i felt incredibly guilty for not being with my team. guilty when i am not home, guilty when i am.

by thursday morning, i felt like i had this huge lump in my throat for a large majority of the day, and on my drive home i was so worked up i had convinced myself that if i were to walk in the door to see wyatt upset, i'd burst into tears.

you know that scene in mrs. doutfire when sally field comes home after the first day robin williams' dresses up as the nanny? the house is pristine? the kids are in a great mood and doing their homework? food's on the table? yah. well, that was me. i walked in the door and i heard the sweet sounds of my mother in law playing with wyatt on the couch. as i turned the corner, i received the warmest, drooliest welcome from my sweet boy. the house was perfectly tidy, there was no laundry on the floor, bottles were soaking, pillows were fluffed, bed was made. ty had done all the laundry before he left and made the bed. it was the absolute best moment of my week. voni, you are amazing. thank you for all of the things you do, even though you think they are teeny tiny nothings. they are huge everythings. i love you.

so - pictures of the babe are limited this week, but here are my faves. this kid kills me. i continue to be packed to the brim with confetti hearts for him. if you shook me i swear to god, confetti would sprinkle from me.

this last one here? my. god. obsessed. seriously i can't get enough of this face. this expression fills my love tank.

little buggy is going to be 5 month old this week.

my love - hate relationship with time continues.


  1. You got through one of the toughest weeks. I'm so proud of you. And, seriously, you have the cutest baby boy! Those eyes. That face. Oh my goodness. Now, go smother W with kisses would you?!

  2. I actually cried while reading this.

    With like totally legit tears.

    I so get this.

    It's so, so hard.

    I'm so proud of you.

    Love you!


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