it is hard. plain and simple.
of course, we are so amazingly lucky to have these two amazing life changers. we're blessed. period.
this post is going to be about the god's honest truth. removing rose colored glasses in 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1.
this week started off r o u g h. i had a low mom moment monday afternoon. keeping my patience has really been my one and only goal the past 5 weeks. and i've done really damn good. except for monday afternoon and maybe two other times the week before last. here's the thing - this is all really good for me. spending time alone with both kids is the hardest work i've ever done in my life. in order to make one child happy, it seems it is at the expense of the other. always. lord help me until the day i can actually make them both happy. like really content and thrilled with life, at the same time. right now, keeping them both "happy" is me walking around with an infant hanging off my boob orangutang style while playing ring around the rosie with the other. i'm constantly back and forth between kids - popping a binky into sj's mouth, while cramming string cheese into wyatt's. or restarting the vivrator on sj's bouncy in our room while singing wheels on the bus with wyatt while he plays with cars in the bathtub. or my personal favorite (insert sarcasm here), bouncing sj in her bouncy on the island (safe) while browning hamburger on the stove top (back burner), while allowing my son to push every riding car he has out our back slider.
the hardest part about it all is remembering i'm still a good mom. a great mom. i love my family and i am doing the best i can. kind of my new matra. even on the hardest of days. even on monday. i may have had a low moment, but i worked my butt off that day to love my kids, keep my sanity, and keep an orderly house. (an orderly house? who am i right now?)
it's about the little moments now with two. the moments where i catch wyatt being so sweet and so gentle with his sister. the moments i know how much he loves her. when i see little flashes of life ahead to times where i know i'll see them protect one another. you see, i gave them such an amazing gift. each other. siblings understand you in a way no one else can. they understand what makes you tick before you even know what that means. they know you before you know yourself. they are always there for you. no matter what. even when you hate each other, you love each other.
i caught wyatt stealing sweet kisses from his sister and i thought my heart would explode. i know there are so many moments ahead where i feel real pride for my littles. this is only the beginning.
to say that the work is worth it would be yet another one of my gigantic understatements of a lifetime.