the jensen journeys

china anyone?

2012-02-26T21:14:00.002-08:00

still in love with this kid. more and more every day. i look back on older posts, and read how obsessed i was with this face. um, that was nothing. i think my heart has gazillioned in size since week one. it's basically quadrupled in size, times 16. 16 weeks old already. which means i will be making my way back to work in just a few short days. march 7th marks my return to work date. i will say this: i am so so so glad i took 4 months off. 3 months would have not been enough, and i really do believe that anything over 4 would make going back to work so much harder. i have been processing going back to work since about my half way point. and i am glad. i am at the point now where i know this is my last full week at home, and i am going to live it up. which means more mushy Facebook posts, more big eyed headshot instagrams, and probably a couple lovey dovey blog posts.

ty frequently is my voice of reason. back in my pre-wyatt life, there would be times where i'd get stressed out about work. i'd come home, tightly wound and he'd pour me a glass of wine and say, "babe. just remember. they can't eat you." i think i've even blogged about this before... now, in my new life, when i get sad about going back to work, he'll hand me a kleenex and say,

"babe. we aren't shipping him off to china."

it's just what i need to hear. and i've said this to myself several times a day this past week. i am lucky to have a job i love and work for a company i believe in. and i'm excited to see my team, people i consider friends (i.e. people that will understand when i might tear up at the mention of my kiddo that first day, week, or even month back to work. love them).

weekly report:

several cozy naps together in bed
a lot of drool and shoulder sucking
a decent number of blow outs - one really, drippy, mama and baby soaked blow out that involved a shower, a bath, and an uncle trevie.
some car seat practice which i fear has really gotten us no where
a lot of chatter boxing - my new favorite thing ever, besides his eye lashes.

that's all for now. duty calls.

flashbacks

2012-02-22T22:28:00.001-08:00

i've been having random flashbacks of the last year lately.

like the fact that i was pregnant this time last year and didn't know it yet. how this time last year, i was living my life, going about my day, having no idea that in just a week and a half i'd take that positive test while ty sat, unknowingly on a flight back from LA. i'd run to the store and buy a two-pack of clear blue easy preggo tests. i remember stopping at the safeway's gas station before running into the store. i remember thinking, "ok i am going to go get the test, take it right when i get home, see 'not pregnant' and have plenty of time to get over it before ty gets home." i remember thinking, "i know i'm not pregnant. and that's ok. it will happen. we aren't even trying yet." i came home, brought out a test, went potty in the downstairs bathroom and came over to our island where i was responding to emails on my work laptop. i set the test down behind my screen and continued typing my email. i even remember who i was writing to. it was a thank you email to the chair at seattle girls school. i think the back of the box said the test could take up to a minute before reading the result back. i think i was typing for at least 4 or 5 before i remembered the test was right behind the screen. i grabbed it, ready to see the words "not pregnant". but that's not what it said.

pregnant

i looked at it again and again.

pregnant

i shot up out of my chair and started jumping around and shouting "i'm pregnant! i'm pregnant! i'm pregnant!? what? pregnant???" as it turned to a question, i just started sobbing. i remember seeing my face in the mirror above our fire place in the family room. absolutely shocked. so incredibly happy. i really had never felt that amount of absolute joy. i felt that way again the moment i saw wyatt's face for the first time after i gave birth to him. joy. simple as that. the dogs thought i was crazy. and i was. already crazy in love with something i hadn't seen or felt yet.

for the last few nights, as i've drifted off to sleep, i'll have phantom feelings of wyatt moving in my tummy. i'll be laying there and i'll "feel" a little swoosh, or kick and think "it's my baby" and in the same thought it will turn to "no it's not". it's the strangest thing. i miss being pregnant with wyatt sometimes - partly because he was always with me. his movements were mine and mine alone. i didn't have to share him, i didn't have to leave him.

i didn't have to leave him.

i'm sad tonight about going back to work. i know it will be fine once i'm there. i'm excited to be back. i miss using my adult brain. i miss adult conversation. and i am pretty sure i'll be a better and more patient mama when i go back. i know myself well and i need an outlet every day that's mine. but i'm sad about leaving him. the last time i drove that commute to work, i was 39 weeks pregnant and my little bug was causing me to bust at the seams. that last day in the office was surreal. i hated my outfit. everything i put on that week was so.freaking.tight. i walked around that thursday in a haze, trying to check everything off my list before i left. the thought that i wouldn't be back for 4 months didn't really hit me until i was driving home. and even then, i was sure i'd be overdue and in the office that next week just to get out of the house. little did i know, in just 36 hours my water would be breaking and 36 hours after that, i'd be meeting my little love.

that's all for now. i needed to get this out and it feels good to be honest and vent and be ok with being sad. better to process these feelings now and not the night before i go back to work.

thanks for listening.

who needs sleep?

2012-02-19T23:20:00.000-08:00

tonight, i am tired. this mama needs to go to bed. but these sunday posts are important to me and i can't settle my brain until i write about the week. today marks the 15 week birthday for sir wyatt. and what a week it was. last sunday i posted about wyatt's teething issues and my lack of intelligence in having it be his first night in his crib. following up on that - we did it. but it was rough. i was in there almost every hour on the hour putting a binky in or applying gum numbing stuff. why the hell didn't i just move him into our room you ask? pride. stupid pride. i made a ~~point~~ scene sunday night... made a fool out of myself really, but in the end our boy "slept" in his crib. he was back in our room monday night, and even in our bed around the 3am mark many times this week.

let's talk about that. in our bed. i know there are a ton of opinions out there about where a baby should sleep. i've had them. let me just say this - there are nights where you simply "give in". you give in because you are tired. you "give in" because your baby is telling you without telling you that he needs to be close to you. i gave in this week, and i loved every second of it. and i'll give in again. dr. sears made me feel good about giving in. i love you, dr. sears.

he napped in his crib all week and did awesome. i loved being able to see him on our video monitor. i also hated being able to see him on our video monitor. seeing him meant obsessing over every sound. it did get better as the week went on. a lot of things got better as the week went on. he seems to be coping better with his teeth, and every day continues to prove how fast our little guy is growing up.

he is smiling and laughing a ton. it's the most entertaining thing for us. he spent a lot of time with family and friends this week. he started off the week meeting auntie lindsay and sweet baby annie on monday. auntie kaarin visited on thursday (and even asked me to be in her wedding! i can't be more excited about this!!) he spent some time at my office on friday (even making a scene for my third floor friends). he visited with auntie tiff, gramma and uncle cam yesterday. and today he got a ton of attention from papa and grandma linda. tonight he saw grandpa and grandma jensen and cuddled with auntie tiff while i had bff date night with annie. i love that he has so many people to love on him. such a lucky babe.

ok, off to bed. happy 15 weeks little bug. my little prince. my monkey. cinnamon buns. we love you.

like, a lot.

ch ch ch changes

2012-02-12T22:17:00.000-08:00

we are in the midst of a new stage. teething. how fun.

i feel so bad for this babe. he's so little to be teething. i totally didn't expect to have such an early teether. at 14 weeks today, wyatt is definitely teething. we kind of had a feeling that maybe something was going down last week in maui. he was all over his hands, and just drooling a ton. it really wasn't enough to know for sure, if anything it was just a gut feeling. a few nights ago, he was so cranky that annie thought maybe giving him a little tylenol would take the edge off and that totally helped. overall, this past few days have not been a blast for little dude man. long flight on tuesday night meant a long night, a cold, a crusted eye that lead to an eye infection and now, new baby teeth. good times. the picture above was taken this morning when nothing, i mean NOTHING, seemed to calm him down. this of course, was BEFORE we realized there may be some new teeth making their way to the surface of our baby's very sensitive baby gums. as i've mentioned previously, white noise is wyatt's bff. it goes a little like this:

step 1 - have a fan going. if that doesn't work...
step 2 - add the sound machine. if that doesn't work...
step 3 - go into bathroom and turn on fan. if that doesn't work...
step 4 - turn on shower.

usually we stop at step 4. today, that didn't work. we actually had to add a new step...

step 5 - get IN shower.

and ta-da! it worked.

until we had to get out of the shower.

step 6 - tylenol.

to add fuel to this scorpio baby's fire, we're trying out the ol' crib tonight. are we idiots!? i just wrote that thinking, holy crap - i am not a smart woman. he's a noisy little sleeper that keeps this mama up a lot even when he's conked out or just squirming around in his bed. i am going to see how it goes with him just a few doors away. perhaps i'll sleep though his normal sleep noises and only wake to the hunger cries [wishful thinking?]. he loves his room. always seems really happy in his crib. stares in amazement at his mobile. loves his music player. i'm staying positive, can you tell?

wish us luck this next week.

we need it.

don't blink

2012-02-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

well kiddo,

here we are at 3 months (and it's nap time so let's see if i can write this to you before you wake up). how the heck did that happen? seriously, time with you has flown by. our days together are over in a blink which is making me sad especially now, knowing we only have about a month left together like this, before i go back to work. i love my job and am so looking forward to seeing all of the people i work with. many, if not all, are people i consider my friends which will only help with the transition. what won't help? you are changing so much every day and i don't want to miss anything.

at a whopping 3 months monkey, here are some of the things i'm loving most about you at this stage:

your big perfect eyes and the way they light up when you flash me a smile.
the way you flash me a smile just seconds after you've had a major freak out. it's like you are saying, "friends again?" just a few days ago you had this gigantic freak out. there wasn't anything i could do to console you except bounce my ass off on the yoga ball. once you calmed down, we came downstairs and i sat on the couch with you as i so often do, resting my legs up on the coffee table and you in a sitting position against my thighs facing me. however, this time you seemingly avoided eye contact with me, almost as if you were embarrassed by the episode that just took place. i watched your eyes as they circled the room, looking everywhere but at me. finally, your eyes met mine and we had a stare down. i just watched you and your little expression. it was so stubborn, and then all of a sudden, there it was. your big, beautiful smile. the one i live to see each day. we were friends again.
your chunky thighs. your little legs were so freaking skinny when you were born. little long lanky sticks. now, they are filling out and i just want to eat them for lunch.
your yummy baby breath, cinnamon buns. it's still smells just as delicious as it did day one.
you in hanna anderson jammies. it's like they were made for your little body.
your fake out cry - your little warning wimper is so breathy and pathetic. i love it when you wake up with this cry, letting me know you are up and hungry - in a nice way.
your round perfect head - i don't know how a head could be any more perfect. the cherry on top are those cheeks. yum, yum, and yum.

and my most favorite thing about you right now...

your contagious giggle. it's deep and raspy and i am thinking i need to record it and have it on repeat all day long when i go back to work. it's just the best sound in the world. you laugh pretty easily when you are right on the cusp of your tired melt down. it's like you get a giggle attack and laugh at pretty much anything and then within a matter of minutes, finito. it's over, and you are swaddled in my arms as i bounce you to sleep.

you got an eye infection this week sweet boy. i think you got it from me. on the day we left maui i woke up with a crusty eye... it seemed to clear up that day, but you woke up with one yesterday and today my other eye was crusted shut when i woke up. aren't we a pair? we've been sick a lot together these last three months and your daddy often jokes that we need to be quarantined. to make your day even brighter yesterday, you got shots. fun for you. needless to say, you were ~~a little~~ a lot needy and whiney but i soaked it in and cuddled you and rocked you as often as you needed. it wasn't until about 9pm where it got a little old. (just being honest.) but i took a bath and your daddy took over and our night ended with you giggling up a storm at daddy as he sang a random made up song to you as he got you ready for bed. i know it made him so happy - you wouldn't take a bottle from him last night, so i think he needed a little reminder that you still loved him.

that's all for now little love. we obviously are still pretty obsessed with you.

you make our day, everyday.

love,

mama

(you can wake up now.)

baby book, 2012 style

2012-02-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

my mom recently brought over my baby book. my so very 1980s bright yellow unisex clip-art-ish baby book. it was so much fun looking through it and seeing all of the little things my mom documented when i was born and the months and even years afterwards. there are even little notes in there to me on the day i was born from my mom and dad. i've read them before but it's so much different now. seeing what my sweet daddy wrote to me when i was only hours old is amazing to me now knowing all the love i felt for my first born immediately as well. my mom wrote me a letter a few weeks before i was born that she gave me when i was 12 weeks pregnant. i read it throughout my pregnancy. it's actually still in my drawer at work because i used to bring it out and read it sometimes in between meetings. my mom wrote me journals when i was first born - i think there are about three of them. they are actually what inspired me to write to wyatt on my blog.

as i glanced through my baby book, it hit me - i don't have one of these for him. i tried to find something that was "me" before he was born, but everything seemed pretty much just as cheesy as the one my mom had for me - copyright 1981. my blog has obviously turned into an electronic baby book of sorts. and i like that. but to have a book that he can flip through really can't be replaced by my blog. so, i've decided to pull from the pages of my baby book and document, even the cheesiest of things, here on my blog and then transition my posts into a "one year book" for wyatt.

the world as it was when wyatt was born:
*please let me note here that this was a good little exercise for me as some of these things i didn't even know. i'm just being honest.

news headlines: the day wyatt was born was the day the little bellevue boy went missing. the one where the mom said she left him in the car when she ran out of gas. the story no one believes and is still being investigated. ironically, my midwife chris actually delivered that sweet little boy at her birth center. he's still missing. (my mom didn't even attempt this one which makes me laugh. JORDAN BRAYLYN MARSHALL BORN is what it says in my book.)

political figures: the obamas (duh), gov. gregoire (who no one seems to like right now), hilary clinton, john edwards (the presidential candidate that cheated on his cancer stricken wife and had a child out of wedlock then tried to deny it, then had to go jail).

popular artists / entertainers: lady gaga, beyonce, ke$ha, katy perry, justin timberlake, ellen, bethenny frankel, kathy griffin, adele, rihanna, blake shelton, nicki minaj, bruno mars, katy perry, LMFAO, black eyed peas, toby keith, carrie underwood, brad paisley.

popular songs: sexy and i know it (LMFAO), someone like you (adele), moves like jagger (maroon five featuring christina aguilera), pumped up kicks (foster the people), ours (taylor swift), the one that got away (katy perry), it will rain (bruno mars)

latest dance: seriously don't know what to put here? c-walking? (my book says "disco". hilarious.)

big names in sports world: i'm not going to lie. i had to look these up. roger federer (tennis champ), kobe bryant (basketball), lindsey vonn (skiing), michael phelps (swim - olympic gold medalist), lebron james (basketball), apolo ono (speed skating), albert pujois (baseball), lance armstrong (cyclist), drew brees (football), tom brady (football - people don't really seem to like him though), phil mickelson (golf), shaun white (snow boarding), peyton manning (football).

best movie of the year: i went to rolling stone magazine and pulled a few from their top 10 list of 2011: the help, tree of life, the decedents, drive, and money ball. have i seen any of these? no. my list would have included: bridesmaids, crazy stupid love, and the change up. (my book says "raiders of the lost arc", "arthur", and "mommy dearest".)

best selling books: according to ny times best sellers today - extremely loud and incredibly close (also out in theaters starring tom hanks and sandra bullock), taken by robert crais, the help (also just recently out in theaters starring emma stone), the girl with the dragon tattoo (also just out in theaters), and one for the money by janet evanovich. have i read any of these? no. (my book says never say diet by richard simmons. what's better than that?)

popular tv shows: anything reality - bravo's real housewives series & bethenny, the voice, american idol. grey's anatomy, modern family, up all night. (my book says: taxi, hill street blues, love boat, dukes of hazard, MASH, more & mindy, and happy days. obviously.)

fashions, fads, etc: let's see here... what will wyatt care about? i will just put down ty's favorite stuff: diesel jeans, newsboy hats, north face gear, hooded zippy sweatshirts, american apparel t-shirts, lulu lemon workout gear, a&f (yes, he's in his early 30s still sportin' their gear like he's 22. love him.), adidas/brooks/nike running shoes, anything j.crew, banana republic. reef and rainbow flip flops. (and for shits and giggles, my book says: "western clothes, cowboy boots, and gold jewelry".)

there you have it. done and documented.

so we can laugh at it later.

island life

2012-02-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

well, we're home.

home from an amazing trip to probably my most favorite place on earth. maui. we had so much fun with annie, dui, and ali girl and coming home yesterday was the last thing i wanted to do.

days leading up to our trip left me feeling anxious about the flight. our little one is well, unpredictable. actually he's pretty damn predictable in that he can be a fussy baby and has no qualms about getting feisty during inconvenient times. so i don't know who invaded my baby's body on jan. 28th, because that kid was an absolute gem to travel with. easy through security, slept at the gate, woke in time for some tylenol (recommended by my ped, thank you very much!) and out like a light through take off, sucking away on his binky like there was no tomorrow. he had himself a nice snack after the first beverage offering, slept during lunch and the movie and did just fine during the decent / landing. phew. surprisingly, he stared at his sophie doll until his eyes couldn't stay open anymore on our drive from kahului to kahana and was in bed by 6:30 island time.

i only forgot one thing. well, 4. 4 pieces to my breast pump. you know. the big black bag i lugged throughout the airport and on the plane so that i could get my drink on in maui and stay out late on my planned date nights with annie and my hubby? yah, that one. the one i couldn't even use when i was there. ty did try to help me out by going to the ONLY store on the island (1.5 hours both ways might i add) to get me the parts, only to come home missing one of them. good times. yah, i cried.

i still got my drink on. {i just timed it so i drank immediately after a feeding and would be ready three hours later to feed. i also probably only got my ONE DRINK ON PER THREE HOUR STRETCH if we're being honest.}

it really was just the best trip - for so many reasons. we got to spend uninterrupted time with our best friends - something we haven't been able to do, well, ever. we loved on their sweet ali girl every second we could. ty and i loved having wyatt in our favorite place ever, even if he was a little crabby dab.

{crabby dab = the poor kiddo had off/on heat rashes the first few days adjusting to the temp and humidity, he continued to hate car rides, and tended to get over stimulated by the trade winds.}

coming home sucked. the thought of leaving sucked, but literally, the trip home couldn't have been more annoying. wyatt cried the majority of the flight, puked all over himself, had a blow out, and finally assed out the last 90 minutes. there were about a trillion other tired / loud / crying / yelling kiddos on the flight. it's like they all had a pow wow before the flight and said, "hey, let's all be pains in the assess so these poor fools won't be mad at just one of us."we also couldn't sit with our besties. on the way over, we basically had a row to our selves and could swap kids, and seats as often as we wanted. this time, we were in the last row fending for ourselves, while annie and du did the same several rows up and on the opposite side of the plane.

i know. you don't really feel that bad for us. we just spent several days in maui, posting instagram photos like they were going out of business. (if you didn't catch our trip via instagram, follow me at jbjensen.)

here are a few of my favorite [non-instagram] pictures from our trip!

wyatt's nursery - the deets

2012-01-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

a few weeks back, i wrote this post and promised a more detailed one here soon. well, here we are. and while i thought ty would be the photographer for this post it was actually yours truly. as i've mentioned, this room was so much fun to do and came out oh so much better than i could have expected. and i am sure those closest to me are also amazed at the execution. for the sake of wyatt's baby book, let's dive in a little deeper than before.

i love this angle of his room. i am actually backed into a corner i never go into because there's a toy bin pretty much digging into my toes as i was taking this shot. by far my most favorite wall in the room is this one - and i think it's wyatt's favorite too. these letters are my pride and joy. i know i talked a little bit about where i got them and the fun i had painting them with annie - but i wanted to talk a little bit more about the project itself. they came unpainted and are made of a super high quality wood. they were actually really beautiful unpainted. i even debated not painting some of them because the wood was so pretty and kind of went with our beachy theme as is. i took the advice of the woman i bought the letters from and painted them with americana acrylic paint and lowe-cornell brushes. i knew i wanted the colors of his room to be teal (obviously), yellow, red, navy and orange. those just seemed like beachy colors so i went onto www.hofcraft.com and bought the paints. i'm sure you can get the paints and brushes any where (i.e. michaels). i bought way too much paint. you probably only need 15 2oz. bottles. i bought more white than the actual colors because i knew i'd be using a lot of it. once they dried, ty sprayed them with americana matte sealer spray so they wouldn't fade - and so far so good. and i have to point out the cute pom-pom blanket hanging on the crib - a gift from lindsay jane. it's made by karma living and it's such a fun detail in the room. love it.

as i mentioned in my previous post, the dresser was bought at www.cymax.com. we wanted a dresser that stood out and could be a focal point of the room. i really wanted to refurbish an old dresser but that just didn't work out. we did buy a garage sale dresser for cheap and we were pretty excited about sanding it and dyeing it. and by we, i obviously mean ty. i was excited for the finished product, but definitely not the process. once ty started it - we realized that while finding a cheap dresser at a garage sale has it's benefits, it just wasn't going to be right for our boy's room. as ty started sanding it he felt like he was widdleing away at it stroke by stroke, and since we needed the dresser to also be a changing table, it just wasn't safe enough. so annie actually found this one for us online. it's obviously super cute, and like i said before, definitely not like the garage sale dresser, but not as high quality as i had hoped. the color is perfect, and the drawers are large and fit a ton of clothes. when it finally arrived (that's another story) one of the drawers was off kilter and ty basically had no choice but to fix it because when they delivered it they basically made him sign his rights away in order for them to leave it with us. it was totally boxed up so there would have been no way for ty to know something was wrong with the drawer. so piece of advice - cute dresser, but if you order off cymax expect a serious delay and ask to open your product before you sign the receipt.

the "welcome to the beach" sign above the door came from a cute shop with a mix of old and new goodies in downtown snohomish. again, we wanted a beachy theme - but just hints of it here and there. so we thought this little number would be perfect. i actually just remembered we bought cute dried starfish there and i have no idea where they are now. damn pregnancy / new mama brain... maybe i will find them and stick them in here somewhere! i think i spoke to the lamp being from land of nod and the cute little w being a gift from annie in my previous post. that dang w makes the dresser for sure.

what about the little jeans you ask? well, ty bought these at nordies a few weeks back. they are the cutest freaking things you'll ever see. i can't wait for them to fit wyatt.

this corner of the room looks at the alphabet wall and the crib and basically has the best view in the room. so let's talk about this chair. not my fave. it's the charleston rocker from pottery barn kids and while it looks really cute and can easily convert into a normal 4 legged chair, it's soooooo not cozy. such a bummer, and totally my fault. you can't just order a chair online without trying it out. and you can't totally count on the floor model because it's so worn in from the numerous booties that test it out on an hourly basis. it slides around the carpet and is so annoying to breastfeed in. it's kind of narrow so having a long baby makes it tricky and uncomfortable. lesson learned. (it's a lesson i learn and re-learn every night when i breastfeed wyatt on the floor in there.) the stool was a gift from my friend jodi. it's seriously the cutest thing. it's his name and the letters are puzzle pieces. such a great gift idea and we'll be using it a lot! especially as he gets older - i can see him standing on it to wash his hands and brush his teeth. you can check them out here.

here's a closer look at the stool and the cute book shelf from lindsay. she got the shelf at a place called good juju in KC. they refurbish old furniture and sell it in there little shop one weekend a month. annie made the cute block letters so maybe i'll have her do a guest DIY post on how she made them! i obviously love them and i know that wyatt will too as he gets older.

the wall clips have a few of my favorite cards from my friends, along with two of my shower invites. both of which were ordered at www.minted.com. cute huh?

this little music box was another gift from lindsay and i couldn't be more in love with it. not only is it super cute, but it plays "hush little baby" and wyatt lights up every time i turn the crank. he waits for it to start playing and gets an instant smile the second he hears it. it's made by tree by kerri lee and she makes them to order. seriously adorable. the turtle you see there is actually a night light and it's shell illuminates stars on the ceiling and wall. we have both the turtle (a gift from my cousin, james and his wife, melanie), and the lady bug, which is in our room (which we got from my dad and linda). they are super cute and let off just the right amount of light - and another great gift that wyatt will love for years to come.

another favorite in wyatt's room is the surf board rug below his crib. i found this rug on www.hautelook.com (seriously, if you aren't getting daily emails from them yet, hop on the bandwagon already!) for a steal of a deal. i mean, like 80% off or something like that. the rug is made by the rug market and was just a lucky find really. the thought behind the striped crib sheet comes from the whole beach towel concept. annie found these as well. she was able to find these online when i couldn't (i swear i forgot how to do a simple google search when i was pregnant, so annie became my search engine). aren't they perfect?! and the flags were made by annie as well - part of the decoration for my girlfriend shower back in august. i kept these up around my house until well after wyatt was born because i loved them so much. the crib is the kendell crib from pottery barn kids. it's a simple crib that isn't an arm and a leg. i'll take it.

wyatt's mobile was a very last minute purchase. i wasn't sure what i wanted to do there, or if i wanted to do anything at all. i just wasn't bought it that it would actually be something the babe would even enjoy. boy, was i wrong. this mobile is definitely one of wyatt's favorite things. we spend quite a bit of time playing in his room and in his crib. he began focusing on these little chevron striped airplanes pretty early on. i originally saw this mobile on my favorite nursery blog and then bought it at the etsy shop they featured on the blog. it's perfect for the room, and even more perfect for my kiddo.

the palm tree wall decals were another last minute purchase. i had been thinking about them for awhile, but wasn't sure if they were something the room really needed. i am super happy we ended up getting them because that wall would totally be missing something. i found these at another etsy shop - they came super fast! we had our friend danny install them - he also owns a kick ass sticker company, www.diecutstickers.com. they look awesome because they were installed by a professional! the picture was another find in snohomish, and the shutters were specifically installed for wyatt. no other room in our house has them and now i want them every where. they are so cute and add so much personality to the room. ty was in charge here and he did the research and ended up going with budget blinds. we couldn't be happier and would definitely go with them again should we decide to do more rooms in our house down the road.

this room has absolutely been worth the effort. wyatt loves spending time in there, and we do too. we wanted his room to blend in with our home's style but stand out in its own way as well. mission accomplished.

now, if only ty and i would put half as much effort into the other rooms in our house.

water baby

2012-01-23T22:10:00.000-08:00

this blog has obviously turned into a baby book of sorts for this kiddo. we're 11 weeks in and i don't see myself putting a pen to paper any time soon. i know i have mentioned this in several of my posts, but my most favorite time with wyatt and ty is bath time. ty took some pictures a few weeks back and i just have to post them. again, obsessed with this face. and can we please talk about that top picture. this will forever be one of my most favorite pictures of this baby. he has this look like, "dad - really? now? i'm trying to stand here and take a bath." and can we also talk about how awesome ty did at taking these pictures? my first time photographer did amaze balls. i couldn't be more impressed with today's birthday boy.

mr. personality

2012-01-22T21:02:00.000-08:00

there are many faces to our sweet boy and we are just seeing the beginning. this last week was, how shall i put it, a little more challenging than the others. not exactly sure why exactly, but our boy's personality is definitely rearing its head. right now, he's screaming his full head off up stairs because we are knee deep in the crabby time of the evening. we pretty much bring this on our selves every night. we try to get him to 9pm before we start going through our bed time routine. and tonight we celebrated ty's birthday so there was some additional stimulation around these parts.

we've decided he's definitely showing signs of being more like his mama. you know - laid back, easy going, and flexible. um, no. he and i are two peas in a pod, at least this week - and perhaps its the amount of beans "we" ate due to the crock-potting addiction i had (we ate a lot of mexican and i'm thinking if i had gas "issues", my poor baby did too - and of course i think of this now, after the fact).

let's talk a little bit about what we've learned about our guy.

he likes things on his terms. and by things, i mean every thing. sleeping, eating, playing, laughing, smiling. his terms.

he likes small spaces - as in, the smallest bathroom in the house. he prefers to be in there with the fan on blast. he couldn't be more content. he loves his nursery - he seems to be most happy on his changing pad or in his crib post-meal and burp.

he pretty much hates the car. don't most babies fall asleep in the car instantly? yah, not ours. (we've been saying that a lot this week... "didn't ali girl just fall asleep anywhere? yah not ours. doesn't paxton just chill out so easily? yah not ours.") unless he is asleep before we hit the road, it usually ends with me hopping in the back seat on the side of the road or in a parking lot to try and calm him down.

ty and i think he's going to be a worry wort. we can see him being super sensitive about things and having little panic moments about homework, grades, projects, etc. (this is exactly how i was by the way.)

he loves white noise. annie was in our room recently and she called it a wind tunnel. honestly, that is the absolute best description. anytime you walk in the room from the "outside" it totally feels like you are about to blast away into the oblivion. we've got a fan going, a sound machine going, lamby was going with the wave sound on before we ran it to the ground so now i've downloaded a white noise app on my phone, and we also have the fan going in our bathroom. (all this love for white noise should do us some favors on saturday on our flight to maui.) if we are in dire straights, ty will take him into his favorite room (the small bathroom) and turn the bathtub water on.

speaking of bath water - the kid loves the tub. shouldn't be much of a surprise since he lived in water for almost 10 months before he was born into a warm tub. as he gets older, we are seeing him get more and more confident in the tub - pushing off the sides of the tub, leaning back further and further, splashing a little bit more.

we had a pretty eventful week, weather wise. snowmageddeon hit the scene here and pretty much stopped all of western washington in it's tracks. we had a "snow week" and i have to say, it was such a blast. ty was home for the full week and we enjoyed mid-day adventures in the snow, and be we i don't mean wyatt. but ty and i sure did. our adventures typically ended at our favorite starbucks and one day we were joined by the stookey's for some good old "jenkey" time (this is our two last names combined and the name for our quality time together. love.)

the snow has since melted, and turned to brown nasty slush - just in time for ty's birthday celebrations this weekend. we had our first date night last night to celebrate ty's birthday just the two of us - and it was the absolute best. my mama and cam made the trek up north (from bellevue) to watch our bambino. while i was a bit nervous to start, it only took one text from cam to take that all away. "wyatt's a happy happy baby! smiles, smiles everywhere!" just what this mama needed to relax. got a few (like a lot) of drinks in me and we had some good old fashioned couple's time. some very much needed and long over due couple's time and i loved every second of it. this afternoon we celebrated with family and the stookey's and next weekend we'll be celebrating with our besties, the dumonds, in hawaii. yes please. can. not. wait.

what's weird about this parenting gig is how quickly things can change. i feel like even though the week was a tad rough with our little one, things seemed to turn around by the weekend. he's entering into a new stage with nap time - he's starting to learn how to sleep unswaddeled and with a lovie. seriously - a-dorable. the cutest thing ever to see him hug his lovie and have his binky moving like crazy as he cozies into me and falls asleep. i could hold him forever when he does this. l-o-v-e. i've had people tell me that i need to enjoy every stage because there are good things about each. but i've also heard that there's a reason that each stage is short because there are crappy things too. this week definately spoke to these words of wisdom.

and i loved every second of it.

(not sure i'll be reporting next week from maui. may just do a picture post if i can figure out how to do it from my phone. plus it's just a little mean isn't it? i mean, cold here? couldn't be more paradise-ish there? enough said.)

wyatt's nursery

2012-01-18T19:03:00.000-08:00

wyatt's nursery was by far the most exciting room to decorate in our house. ty and i had the best time doing this together. i really feel like our vision for his room really came to life. anyone who knows me well, (annie) knows that i come up with some good ideas, but rarely does the execution align with the vision. for example, my ginger bread houses always suck. i have great ideas when the slate is blank, but when it comes to actually putting it to action - eh. anytime i have tried to make something by hand, it's a total disaster. but much to my shegrin (who actually says that - let alone writes that!?!), our baby room turned out pretty good. here are a couple of the high lights, in no particular order.

lindsay wasn't able to come to our reveal party, but she and i had been talking about my vision for the nursery since the second i told her i was pregnant. the "beachy" theme i had mentioned was best described as a mixture of both old and new. she found this adorable shelf at a shop that refurbishes old furniture in KC and had it sent to annie's house in time for the party. this picture doesn't really do it justice. the collection of books came from so many of our closest friends during my pregnancy. those sweet blocks there, those are from annie, who made those for us as a gift at one of my showers. and curious george came from daddy - one of the very first things he bought for the babe.

these letters were purchased off etsy and decorated by annie and i. this has to be one of my biggest crafty accomplishments. the letters came un-painted, so i took the advice of the woman who made them and bought the paint she recommended. i picked a few colors, and with annie's help we got them done in one evening. annie did all of the hard letters - the D, J, N, U, W... yah the cutest ones, those were all her. ty hung them up and from there, the room really started to come together. i got the dresser here but will say, i don't really reccommend it. it sure looks cute, but the quality actually sucks. i am just being honest. the lamp is from land of nod and the cute little w on it was another decoration annie made for a shower. looks pretty stinkin' cute there doesn't it?

these clip thingies - not sure what else to call them - are actually from cam's old room but are originally from pottery barn. not sure if they still have them, but they work out perfectly. and the cards here are from the showers (invites and gift cards).

i wrote about this picture in this post. it's one of my most favorite things in wyatt's room. love, love, love.

these palm trees came from another etsy shop and i think they totally make the room. the crib is the kendell crib at pottery barn.

ty recently got a new canon camera so one of his projects will be taking pictures of wyatt's room. like, real pictures. not iphone instagram pictures. in that post i will highlight a few more of the actual details - i.e. the rug, the stool, the bed sheets, the rocker (which is cute to look at and not so fun to sit in...) shutters, etc. for now, this will have to do!

more to come!

the lucky one

2012-01-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

10 weeks have absolutely FLOWN by. i can't believe i'll be heading back to work in about 6 weeks. see that face up there? ya, that one. that perfectly round head with those two beautiful big eyes on it makes the idea well, tough. ty had to up our cell plan this week. i went off the charts sending texts and pictures to friends and family. surprised? i think going back to work is probably a good idea. i take pictures all. day. long. i want to capture every moment i can with my little love. to say that i'm enjoying every second of maternity leave should go with out saying. i love, love, love being a mama. so much more than i expected. someone asked me yesterday what i am most surprised by. it's so hard to narrow it down to just one thing. here's my list:

1. seriously how much i love this kid. i've never been so obsessed with anything in my whole life.
2. i love boys! i can't tell you why i'm surprised by this really, or why i love having a boy so much, but there are little things that cross my mind that i just love... like, the idea of wyatt playing in the snow with his dad someday, or seeing him as a big brother, or seeing him in a tux for his first prom, meeting his first girlfriend, etc. so much to look forward to.
3. how into his development i am. i love seeing him do something new. i get giddy when he has a first. anything from reaching out to touch the dogs, listening for his daddy's voice, giggling when i do something super silly that i'd never do for any one else, lighting up when i play his music box, watching his hands as they move around. it's the small things, folks. they are big things now to this mama.
4. how fast the day goes by!! i seriously do NOTHING and all of a sudden it's bed time again.
5. how quickly i can find a binky and get it into his mouth in the middle of the night. lightening fast. i'm pretty good.

i could keep going, but i'll spare you. i was just about to write about how interested i am in his poopy diapers (how much, texture, smell, etc.) but i won't go on. instead, i'll end by saying we had yet another great week together and we're ending it with our first snow. love it. i am instantaneously in a good mood when i see a flake fall from the sky. it's supposed to keep up for the next few days, and i couldn't be more thrilled. this little family knows how to cozy up and enjoy it and i love that. again. i'm reminded - i'm one lucky mama.

dear monkey

2012-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

dear monkey,

you are already two months old and this mama is loving every second, every minute, hour, day, week, month of your sweet life. as i write this to you, you are in your daddy's arms doing your "i'm hungry and tired cry". we call this the "warning cry" - the one you do right before you get really pissed. it's breathy and pathetic. it's so cute. daddy is heating up your bottle and walking around with you cozily in one of his arms. you are patiently waiting as your bottle heats up in the warmer. you are about to have your last feeding of your day and our night time routine is about to begin. daddy will feed you your (typically) one bottle of the day, we'll swaddle you up, and i will take you to our room and put you down in your little arm's reach bassinet. i love that we have a routine at night now. you've been doing so good - giving me a good 5 hours of sleep. if only i could go to bed when you go to bed, i'd get as much as you! you wake up around 5 and we do a quick feeding and you're usually super easy on me and are back in bed within 30 minutes.

you are growing so fast. we had your two month appointment on friday and you now weigh 11 pounds, and are 24 inches long. you are in the 95th percentile for height, 25th for weight, and 70th for head. tall and skinny with a big bed. that's our boy! you had your shots and we decided to not go with their recommended schedule. we just couldn't see pumping you full of vaccines so instead of doing the 4, we only did one prick and one oral vaccine. you had a not so fun reaction later that night - swollen leg and screaming cries which lead to a frantic call to daddy and tears of my own. after a tylenol dose and some rocking, you were soon conked out and much more relaxed. i felt awful, needless to say.

we had a fun week and obviously took a few pictures along the way!

We recently got the full gallery of images from your birthday. jessica at one tree did put together a slide show a few weeks back, but it's obviously really personal and i wasn't quite comfortable sharing it broadly. there are some images that are just so special to me and really capture how amazing your birth was.

i love this one so much because i love seeing your daddy's hand giving me comfort and support. i love your daddy's hands in general - they are strong, and he's got great nail beds. and as far as i can tell, it looks like you lucked out in that department and got his and not mine!

i of course didn't see this moment when it happened, but i can imagine there were a few of them. i know how hard it is to see someone go through the kind of pain i went through during labor. i had a moment just like this with auntie's mama when she was in labor. the only people that really get it are the people that are there watching it. you just need to hug someone who gets it. i love that your gramma and auntie looked to each other for that support.

i can remember auntie telling me in between contractions that my body looked amazing. i also remember thinking she was crazy. i felt anything but in that moment but when she said it, she was genuine and sweet and encouraging. seeing this image now, she was right. i'm amazed at how i looked in the water. as big and as bloated as i remember feeling (among other things), this image is anything but that to me. it's you and me kid, in the last few hours together like this. it's incredibly special to me.

to me, these four images really encapsulate what it was like on the outside. as i've mentioned earlier, i rarely opened my eyes. i had really no idea what was going on around me. this was what was going on around me. i'm blessed to have such amazing people to support me. i couldn't have done it without them. you, little boy, have the most amazing people that love you.

this picture of auntie is in the slide show jessica made. it's about halfway in. it's the image that just "gets me". i can't help but cry when i see it. i don't know exactly when it was taken, but when i see it i immediately know the emotion she was feeling that day - the same emotion i described in your birth story; the same emotion i felt several times as i watched her bring ali into the world.

this picture of daddy says "relief" to me. i know this is just when christine is telling me it's time to push. he's so happy that this part of the journey is ending and the best part is just beginning. he's about to meet you. look how excited he is!

this is another picture that just "gets me". it's how your daddy and i brought you into this world. i felt so secure and supported as we locked together like this - both physically and emotionally. i will never forget that feeling and this image will always remind me in case i ever do.

i love this series of images. it's right when i'm meeting you for the first time. you are the most amazing thing i've ever seen. i was just so elated. i had never felt so happy in my life - happy, tired, proud, relieved, empowered, in love, honored, lucky... the list goes on and on. i was just the happiest i had ever been in my whole freaking life. plain and simple.

and of course i love these - when you and your daddy meet for the first time. i love seeing the way you are looking at him and how happy and proud your daddy is.

i love seeing this one - it may look like a phone with a text on it. but it's of a text from auntie lindsay who couldn't be there. seeing this reminds me that she was there - rooting me on every step of the way.

sweet boy, i think i'll probably cry every time i see these pictures because it brings back the most incredible day. you are so so so loved. thank you for every day with you and for showing us what life is really all about.

love,

mama

new year, new us

2012-01-01T22:37:00.000-08:00

this time last year, my family was going through a pretty hard time. i can remember writing this and thinking "2011 is going to be great - it's going to be great because i am going to make it great". our family ended last year feeling broken. we are ending this year feeling new. i love it. no resolutions this year. i just want to be the best wife, daughter, sister, friend, dog owner, and now mother that i can be. i look forward to a year of new - new routines, new challenges, new wins, new loves, new friends, new habits, new memories.

maybe some new shoes?

i digress...

our last week of 2011 was full of fun. i'd say we ended the year with a bang, in our own way. our monkey is so so close to giggling. we are just waiting for it. when he smiles big, it's like he knows we are just holding our breath hoping that will be the smile that leads to his first giggle. he holds back and it's almost as it he's thinking, "nope, they aren't quite ready yet". we are so tightly wound around that little pinky finger of his. love is an understatement. we continue to be amazed by how much joy he brings us. his personality is starting to shine through those perfect bright eyes of his. he can be so serious sometimes - and then all it will take is a smile from mama or daddy, and he never lets us down. he'll even smile right before he's about to burst into tears sometimes. so beyond adorable. and we can't forget - the kid has to move constantly - there's no slowin' down with him. he needs to be walking around all . the . time. needless to say, i'm back to my pre-wyatt weight. thanks kiddo!

we made some progress with maddie girl this week. i think he's starting to grow on her. i'll take it.

bath time continued to be a hit this week. it's by far my most favorite thing to do with my boys. he loves it. we love it. win-win.

we are now forward facing in the baby bjorn. could you just die? i die when i see this face looking out at me.

still spending time in the bathroom several times a day - but less time, at a time if that makes sense. all it takes is a walk-in, eyes close sequence before we're laying him down for bed or naptime. it seems to work every time. for now.

we've been making it to starbucks at least once a weekend, but yesterday marked the first day we took him out of his car seat and had some play time with him in our favorite big cozy chairs. i love that ty and i can still do "our thing" with our babe.

here's to your 2012 - as i said last year, choose to make it great. we are.

our christmas wish

2011-12-25T19:06:00.000-08:00

when ty and i began dating seriously (which didn't take long) we knew right away that this was it. when we found each other, our conversations centered around how we'd start our lives together. it didn't take long before we started talking about the things we wanted to do as a couple, and even as a family someday. being together forever went without saying pretty soon into our relationship and things like having kids, buying houses, future trips, shared morals and values were on the table pretty much right away. ty and i have always liked dreaming together. we love talking about "someday". i don't think we were prepared for what once was a big dream of ours. today marks 7 weeks with our precious boy. needless to say, our christmas wish came true when we were blessed with our beautiful, healthy son.

let's talk about this week.

first of all, who hates tummy time? this guy.

i hate tummy time too. it seriously breaks my heart to hear him cry. he REALLY hates it. i am waiting for the day where his mood changes, the tears come to a screaching hault, and this little babe actually enjoys it. until then, i will sit down stairs waiting for the minutes to pass while ty roots him on.

we had our moments this week, but we found solice in our bathrooms. wyatt loves the sound of the bathroom fans. he could be red-faced pissed screaming and when i walk into our bathroom and turn the fan on, he instantly calms down and is quickly out like a light.

speaking of out like a light - wyatt made a shift this week and decided to skip his 2am feedings. go baby! so our routine made a nice shift too. bed time routines start around 9pm and he's usually asleep and swaddled in his swing by 10:30. he'll hang downstairs with daddy until he comes to bed and he'll then wake up around 5 to eat. thank you baby jesus. he'll eat, poop, get a diaper change and get re-swaddled and is back to bed within 30-40 minutes where he'll give us another 3 hours. love this kid.

we also had a major milestone this week - bottles! i pumped a bottle for ty to feed wyatt on thursday and it was so freaking cute to see daddy feed the babe. he's been feeding him one bottle a night. it's giving this mama a little relief, and this daddy some more bonding time.

in other news, (still baby related obviously) he's sleeping a little less during the day which means we're doing more awake time activities. things like cooing and smiling - things that make this mama well up with delight about 20 times a day. (this is where the tummy time comes in - ugh.) every other night, our bed time routine consists of bath time which we all three are loving. we're using a crap load of water because we're still putting him in the tub with me, but it's seriously the cutest and most fun thing for us right now. the babe loves it and we do too. it's great bonding for us as a family.

speaking of bonding as a family - our first christmas has been full of bonding time. ty was able to take quite a bit of time off and we were able to do a ton as a family this last week. spending time together as parents is now my most favorite thing in the world. i can't get enough of it. loving wyatt together and being a team is the most rewarding job i've had. it's also the toughest and most exhausting. but again, love.

worst mom ever - confession #1

2011-12-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

today marks 6 weeks and i can't believe it. the time has flown by incredibly fast and it feels like with each passing week, this little face develops more and more. wyatt's personality is starting to shine through, making me that much more excited for each of his many stages. when he was three days old, i can remember laying in my bed looking at him and feeling sad that he was "already three days old" and sad that "time was going by way too fast". i can remember tearing up for the first time since he was born and wanting time to stop. i honestly wanted him to stay that size forever. at 6 weeks i can tell you how excited i am for tomorrow. this week, wyatt has started to find his little voice - responding to ty and i when we talk to him with a little coo here and there. my new favorite thing he's doing is what i will go ahead and call his "pre-cry". his lip curls in and his eyes gloss over with what will become a large crocodile tear if i don't pick him up right that second. if i don't pick him up at that very moment, his eyes tightly close and i get this face:

wyatt was sick all week and still sounds pretty "phlemmy". i too got sick on thursday, and have been fighting it all weekend. not fun, but i will say that "little dude man" (as ty likes to call him) was easy on his mama the last few nights - only waking up once in the middle of the night and then up at 6 to hang with daddy. (still LOVING this time to sleep!)

i do have a guilty mom confession to make that i believe is worth making note of for myself - you know, when i start to get really confident as a mom and get perfect. ya right. hence the title of this blog. i am realistic enough to know there will be more. more "worst mom ever" moments. here goes...

on wednesday i met with two friends. thinking i could time it perfectly with feedings, i scheduled them back to back. not smart. at all. i ended up in the parking lot, in the back seat of my car feeding wyatt while texting date #2 that i was going to be late. this isn't even my confession. after date #2, as if i hadn't learned my lesson with my horrible timing after date #1, the ride home turned into a mother's nightmare. i was still about 15 minutes away from home when it happened. loud, "i'm not going to stop until i have boob" cries from the back seat. on 405. in traffic. i had the poor kid SO bundled up. as if my car was a 1981 honda with no heat. as if i lived in alaska. we had an under shirt, a thick long sleeve shirt, closed feet pants, a bundle me, a hat... you name it. any and everything that i could possibly have to keep my sweet baby warm. warm? let's try stifling freaking hot. so add this mess to a pissed off 5 and a half week old and what do you get?

a horrible heat rash.

i know.

mother of the year.

so add the heat rash to some baby acne and a cold and you get one not so fun baby. i felt horrible. actually, i felt beyond horrible. my aunt who is also a pediatrician did her best to make me feel better and say it's "totally normal" and "it's not that bad" but i still obsessed over it until, well today. it's gone today. the reminder of "my worst mom ever" moment has now passed but i will say - lesson freaking learned.

this week should be filled with less sick and rash and more fun! until then, here are some of my favorite iphone pics of the week (and can i tell you how much i love instagram - i was able to take some adorable pics and hide the baby acne and rash pretty dang well if i say so myself!):

rainbows and butterflies

2011-12-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

i'm sure you've all been waiting for it - the "let's get real" post, or the "just you wait" post... well, here it is.

in the words of one of my favorite groups, maroon 5 - "it's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise..."

this past week has been about compromise. whether it's my diet, ty's workout schedule, or my sleep schedule. it hasn't been the smoothest of weeks. earlier this week, we realized that i was eating something that wasn't mixing well with wyatt. each time he ate, he was so upset afterward. he also got a rash that made me suspect that it had to be food related. i decided i'd cut dairy, wheat, and chocolate - three popular baby allergies. i had a strong suspicion dairy was a culprit, and saw a reaction from him from really early on when i had chocolate. i did the wheat just because i was feeling super guilty and thought "might as well". for the latter part of last week we saw a change in our boy -- until this dang cold. he's been stuffy all weekend and it's been so sad. he struggles mostly at night - making it not so fun for this mama. last week, ty and i worked out a small routine. since he's working and i'm breastfeeding, there isn't a ton for him to do at night to help. plus, it makes zero sense to have both of us completely exhausted. in the evenings, i try to go to bed with wyatt around 10-11, depending on when he feeds. i will get up with him throughout the night, and then after his last morning feeding, usually around 6-7:30, ty takes over for the next 3 hours, giving me a nice stretch of sleep before my day kicks off with the bambino. (ty's work day starts around 11 so this little plan works out nicely for us.) i have to say, i look forward to this stretch every night. i know that no matter how bad our night may be, i will get a decent stretch of sleep first thing. i live for that last feeding. wyatt usually will have a feeding between 10-11:30, then again between 1-3, then again between 5-7. that's a typical night. until last night. which sucked. i was up from 1-5, then again at 6:30. ty got up with him after his last feeding where i was able to sleep from 7:30-10:45. lovely. except we had our dear friends, the burnaby's, coming at 11. i got ready quickly and fed the babe while ty showered and cleaned up the house. don't ask me how we did all of that in 20 minutes. we just did. magic i guess.

i know this is just the beginning of the realities of having a child. we are learning everyday. compromise is the name of the game. bartering and bribery come later. (although, i did tell ty i would pay him $1 billion trillion dollars if he could figure out a way to get his nipple to lactate.)

thank you again to everyone for their support this week. i am loving all of the advice i'm getting on facebook from my friends. they have such great ideas. this week it was especially helpful with the food issues and the cold. thank you, thank you, thank you. keep it coming.

just a few of our favorite pics from the week:

28 days / 4 weeks / one month later...

2011-12-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

at 4 weeks, little love, your mama is changed. becoming your mom just 4 sunday's ago, has been the best thing to ever happen to me. you are the light of my life, the most amazing gift. sure, you cry sometimes but i love you anyway. you keep me up at night, but i love you more each day. every morning when i see your sweet face after even the shortest of sleep stretches, i am so much more in love than i was even hours before. this past week, you've started smiling and it absolutely melts my heart. most of the time you are looking right past me and smiling at who knows what - but i'll take it anyway. i'll take every smile, every cry, every look, every little sound you give me. to say that you are loved is probably the hugest understatement i'll ever make.

i was thinking the other day of the things i would have told myself prior to your arrival... things like:

enjoy eating using both hands
enjoy taking uninterupted naps
enjoy a body that belongs solely to you
enjoy not having a physical reaction to the sounds of baby cries
enjoy not being paranoid or concerned over something constantly
enjoy not doing laundry several times a day
enjoy driving and not worrying about what may take place in the back seat should you hit a red light

and most importantly...

get ready to feel a love like you never have before - a love so overwhelming and special, that only you will know it when you meet your baby.

today marks another of our many milestones. you've been in our lives for a short 4 weeks, but we really can't imagine our world any other way. as i write this, your dad is down stairs trying every trick in the book to get you to calm down. we call the next several hours "cranky time" in our house. you like to give us a run for our money in the evenings, but we are learning more each day. together, the three of us learn patience. you with us and us with you.

good night sweet boy - we love you.

to the moon and back.

lots to learn :: 3 weeks in

2011-11-27T21:56:00.000-08:00

i seriously can't believe how much has changed in three weeks. yesterday i joked with ty about how our conversations have changed so drastically since wyatt was born. i swear, all we talk about are my boobs - nothing is off limits. ty knows everything about them because i am constantly updating him on what they've been up to. if we aren't talking about my boobs, we are talking about wyatt's poops. if we aren't talking about his poops, we are talking about his penis - which got circumcised this week. (and that, by the way, was so not fun. we went to a great doctor on mercer island - dr. witz - and he did a fantastic job. didn't make it any easier on me at the time, because it's about me obviously, but he did a great job and it looks really good.)

we had a great week. sleeping has gotten a bit better, breastfeeding continues to improve, and we love our boy more and more everyday. we learn something new about him almost hourly.

he doesn't like to be held on his back - he would much prefer to be upright.
he loves the shh shh shh sound.
he loves his sound machine lamby and his heart rate sound machine.
anything that vibrates is our friend.
the binky is an appreciated accessory.
mylecon is an appetizer at every meal. without it, we are wearing every meal.
he grows so fast - he has gained a pound already, and we've put away his newborn onesies and outfits. so sad!
he poops a lot.
he loves being in the baby bjorn on daddy.
he prefers going on car rides only if we are going over 40 mph. we've had two meltdowns during back road car trips.

i could go on and on. this thanksgiving week gave us a lot to be thankful for. we are beyond blessed with our amazing family and friends. we've been given so much love and support and are filled with gratitude for everything we've been given. these last three weeks have proven to be the best yet. thank you. to all of you.

cinnamon buns

2011-11-20T19:25:00.000-08:00

That's what we call you. Your daddy and I love your smell so much. When you were two days old, he nuzzled his nose into your neck and said, "I know what he smells like!" I would have never guessed what he would say next. "He smells like cinnamon buns". Not cinnamon rolls, not cinnamon sticks - cinnamon buns. We probably call you "Cinnamon Buns" 100 times a day, easy. Sorry kiddo - it's here to stay.

You are two weeks old today and we couldn't be more in love with this new life of ours. You are this perfect little life that we created out of so much love. I need you to know how much we love you - and how much we love each other. I love your daddy so much and am so happy that you get to have him as yours. You are his sweet little "mini-me". I love seeing his face when we realize you are doing something just like your daddy. Everyday, you look more and more like him. He is so proud of that. And he should be - you're one handsome guy!

Your cord fell off this week, and I couldn't be happier. I love everything about you - but seriously, that cord was starting to gross me out. Sorry. Ew. We took a bath last night and you were so stinking cute in there. Until you took a poop... Good times. You then preceded to take several poops in the towel your daddy dried you off with.Great timing on our part.

I know you won't really appreciate this when you are older - but I do want you to know we've made some serious progress in the breastfeeding department. Last night was our best night yet. It was the first night where you didn't get frantically upset before each latch - and each latch didn't take the usual 15 minutes. I also used the "turtle star light" instead of turning on the bedroom light. I think that helped with keeping the calm. You ate at 10:30 and were tucked in by 11. You woke up at 1, and then you were up again at 4:50. That was a great stretch! And then you were back down by 5:30 after a great feeding and a wardrobe change due to an explosive spew. We actually had to wake you up at 9:30. Thank you sweet baby. I'm hoping for another good night tonight, but we shall see.

Here's to your first two weeks, Cinnamon Buns. Thank you for being perfectly you.

Wyatt's Birth Story

2011-11-17T23:30:00.000-08:00

Long Post Alert: Sorry, it had to be. I wanted to get down as many of my memories as I could here.

This story actually started about 40 hours prior to Wyatt’s actual birth.

I woke up on Saturday (Nov. 5) morning at around 7:30AM - like any other Saturday really - ready to pee for the 5th time in an 8 hour period! The night before I wasn't really feeling quite right - I had some cramping most of the night and had a stomach ache waking me up off an on in my sleep. As I walked to the bathroom, I felt a little dribble but didn’t think anything of it. I went to the bathroom and most likely thought about what we’d do that day – I knew Ty wanted to do a few things around the house, and I was probably going to do the same – clean up a few of the baby things that were still lingering around our living room, family room, laundry room, etc. I also knew our day wouldn’t have a proper start if we didn’t make our weekend trip to Starbucks – and I was hungry. As I finished up in there, I noticed a little pink on the TP and thought, hmmm, maybe something is going on in there. The words from my Doula, Kristin rang in my ears – “if you think you are maybe seeing signs of labor, try your best to ignore it until it’s no longer subtle otherwise you may scare those ‘signs’ away.” I told myself to try to relax as I went back into the bedroom to tell Ty – well, wake him and then tell him – that I think something was going on. He groggily acknowledged what I was saying and I crawled back into bed. As I laid there, I felt a few contractions that were different than the Braxton’s I had felt the last week. I realized that I think I was having them throughout the night here and there, but thought it was just a stomach ache. I decided I’d get up and take a shower – and as I made my way there, there was small gush of water… and then another. I knew it. It was happening. This was definitely my water breaking. As I got into the shower, there was more “evidence” of labor on the horizon. My midwifery team had told me that even if I’m not sure, but think my water has broken, to call them and let them know. I left a message on the pager line and within minutes I had a call from Chris, the midwife on call, who told me that labor would probably start within the next 24 hours and that it was really important for me to drink a lot of water, and rest – because there was a very good chance I wouldn’t be sleeping that night. I had also talked to Kristin, who told me to go about my day – and have fun. Make memories.

So we did.

I showered, he showered. We hopped in the car, went to Starbucks and did the usual – he read the paper, while I read my “news” (this is what Ty calls it) on my phone (this involves me scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Hautelook). As we walked in, we saw our dear friend Ashley – who was supposed to be coming over to our house the next day with dinner. I knew that wasn’t going to be happening, but didn’t want to tell her about the “action” just yet – definitely not until labor was full speed ahead. She even said, “we really want to do dinner tomorrow – so don’t go into labor just yet!” My water continued to gush while we were there – and we finally decided we should head out. Before we did, we took a picture of me right outside on our way to the car. I remember a weird guy making a comment and trying to push his stomach out – saying, “I can do that too!” Random.

We went to the store – and I remember telling Ty I felt like I was 14. The pad I had to wear (TMI?) was ridiculous. I mean, huge. I remember telling him, “I can hear my mom right now. ‘You’re the only one that knows it’s there.’ Please. Me and everyone else. You swear you can’t see that I have a matress between my legs?” He promised me that he couldn’t. Good boy.

We walked the dogs. I took a nap. Ty cleaned the garage. We went to Burger Master. We walked the Alderwood Mall. Contractions were there – but they were super mild and very manageable. And I was OK with that.

After taking another nap, I woke up and decided I should probably tell my mom and Annie that things were moving – just out of courtesy. I’d hate to wake them up at 3 AM after they went to bed at midnight having no clue what was going on. They may want to go to bed early. That was a pointless justification. What ended up happening was just the opposite. I put them on high alert – that’s what I did. Neither of them slept. When I told my mom, she freaked out, just as I expected. She was worried because she was having one of her girlfriends up for the night – “I would have canceled if I would have known!” This is exactly why I didn’t call her earlier. There was nothing to really report, nothing for her to do. By the end of the conversation she was better – even telling me she had a “Wyatt moment” the night before, having a feeling something was going to happen. This was hard for her to admit, I’m sure – since she’s sworn from day one this baby was coming on 11/11/11. When I called Annie, she was so cute. She was so excited and in true Annie-fashion, had a ton of questions. I loved it. She said she appreciated me calling and was going to take a shower and get things ready on her end for what we both thought would be a middle of the night wake up call and drive to my house and eventually the birth center.

Wrong.

By about 10pm contractions were coming stronger. Ty and I attempted to watch a movie but that was pointless. I winced through contractions while Ty belly laughed to a movie I can barely recollect. It was Bad Bosses. And the parts I did see seemed stupid. I said it.

At about 11:30 we attempted to go to bed. By we, I mean me – Ty was in bed and asleep, no issues there. I on the other hand, laid there through contractions until about 1AM. I couldn’t take it. They were about 4-6 min apart, lasting about 45 seconds at this point. I got out of bed, went downstairs, and set up camp. I had the fire going, my music playing, my iPad charging, and candles blazing. I labored down there alone, in the candle light until about 5AM. I thought about what my body was doing. Our Doula had given us this binder with some images of what early first stage labor looked like and that was me all the way. I paced in the kitchen and living room with each contraction – or wave. I tried to think about them like waves. They’d start, they’d peak, they’d end. They continued to come on and at one point they were about 5 minutes apart and lasting over a minute. Then they started to spread out a bit – and by about 7AM, they were practically gone – coming on every 20 – 30 minutes.

I continued to try to get things moving. I walked, I bounced on my yoga ball, I took a shower, I did my hair… notta. I talked to Kristin and she told me to take a nap and take advantage of the break and she was going to call Chris. I slept from about 7:45-10:30AM. I had a handful of contractions as I napped, but again they were about 20 minutes apart. When I woke up, Kristin told me that she had talked to Chris and that they wanted to try to get things moving. We talked to Chris and made our way to the birth center. When we arrived, Chris quickly said, “Yah. You aren’t in labor. You look way too good. You look like you are about to hit up Bell Square.” After talking through the events of the last 24 hours, she explained that if we don’t end up getting labor going in the next 3 hours, we’ll need to go to the hospital and get help – aka, interventions. Not what I wanted. So I told her – do what we can and let’s see what happens.

At 12:30PM she swept my cervix a few times and told me that his head was “right there” – she even asked, “does it feel like you have a bowling ball between your legs?!” I thought that was funny, because I had no idea he was that low. She told us that my cervix was 75% effaced, and that I was about 1.5cm dilated. She said this was good – that I had worked hard the night before. She sent us over to Super Supplements to pick up this black/blue stuff – I can’t remember what exactly – but it was herbal I believe. Oh, and she also prescribed “nipple stim” – good times.

By the time we were in the car heading home, within minutes contractions started. I did one “round” of “nipple stim” as a joke in the car. Ty and I both were cracking up – “what if someone sees me??!!” After the one round, sure enough, a strong contraction came. They kept coming. All the way home. 4 minutes apart or so and getting up there to the 1 minute mark. On our way and in between contractions, my mom had texted that she was on her way to the house, and Annie said she was making a few meals for us (soooooooooooooo nice!) but would be over soon.

When we got home at 1:15PM we thought it would be good to take the dogs on a quick walk. About 100 steps into the walk, we quickly learned my tagging along would not make this quick at all. The contractions were stronger, and I was having to stop with each one. I told Ty I was going to turn around and head home and maybe make something to eat since I hadn’t had anything since the bowl of cereal earlier that morning. In between contractions I made myself an egg and toast. I remember eating it in 2 minutes before another contraction started. My mom got there right in the middle of one and came over to me and gave me a hug. I remember crying – not because of the pain, but because my mama was there. You know how it goes. You just need your mom. And she was there. I didn’t realize how much I needed her until I saw her. The same thing happened when Annie came. I couldn’t help but cry when I saw her. My two girls were there – I can do this now. I talked to Kristin on the phone and she listened through a few of my contractions before I just said “come now – I need you to come now – I am having another one – come now” – click. She was there in minutes. And I was grateful. The contractions were close and strong now. So strong in fact, I threw up – twice. Big throw up’s. I couldn’t help it.

At around 3:30PM, Kristin had me talk to Chris on the phone. She listened through about 2 contractions before she said, “Let’s have you come on in to the birth center now.” I remember saying “Thank you so much for saying that”. Then I realized –the car ride. Oh no. How the hell was I going to do that. With each contraction I was moving around – I was upright. I was getting my hips rubbed, my hair stroked. I wasn’t sitting still, strapped into a car.

We got packed up, and our caravan was ready. My mom was in the back of our car riding with Ty and I, Annie was in hers, and Kristin was in hers. As I got in Kristin said “One rule – you have to have your seat belt on at all times.” Ugh. Moments before our cars took off, another contraction reared it’s ugly head. I shot out of the car and leaned against Ty’s car in the drive way. As it finished, Kristin was there and said, “OK – that can’t happen again. You can’t do that on the side of the road.” Damn!

The car ride was miserable. For me, yes. And for Ty and my mom. I moaned loudly through each contraction. Low, loud moans. It was all I could do to get through each “wave”. My mom would put a wash cloth on my head through each one and I’d moan. I only opened my eyes once during that car ride. Through tears, I looked over at Ty and told him “we are meeting our baby today” – it hit me. This was happening. Ty has since told me that the car ride was so annoying because it was like every Sunday driver was out and about – nowhere to be, just driving slowly on the highway – there to drive him crazy.

When we got to the birth center at 4:30PM, I saw Jessica, our birth photographer waiting for us. Chris quickly came out to walk me into the birth suite where she had me lay down so she could check me. She wanted to check me during a few contractions and when she did, she realized the bad news. I had made progress effacing, but nothing had changed relative to my dilation. I was still at a 1.5. (She did say 1.5 to 2, but I learned later, she couldn’t see herself telling me the exact same thing she said hours earlier.) Typically, they’d send me home at this point. 1.5 cm is nothing and we had a long way to go. Chris just couldn’t see herself doing that. Both Kristin and Chris were shocked that I was only at 1.5. They both were sure, based on the intensity of my contractions, that I was at least at 8cm dilated. I didn’t have time to be discouraged. I honestly didn’t even put it together. All I could think was “I don’t have time to care about this – I am about to have another contraction.” She said she wanted me to get into the tub and hoped that from there things would continue at the pace that they were and hopefully my cervix would catch up with my contractions.

Photographs courtesy of www.onetreephotography.com

The tub was amazing. I instantly felt relaxed. Throughout this whole time I barely opened my eyes. I would only open them to move positions, or if Kristin had something important to tell me where she’d say, “Jordan, look at me”. I would then track the room with my eyes to find hers. I stayed in the tub for a while. I tried a few different positions outside of the tub too – the toilet (which was by far the hardest position, but I knew it was the one that worked the best in getting Wyatt to come down fast), the birth ball (which I absolutely hated – which again, indicates “it’s workin!”), standing, laying down (totally painful and completely inefficient), back to the bathroom, and then back again in the tub. Everyone expected to be there while. Why wouldn’t they? I was at the beginning of a very long dilation road when I arrived.

When I went into the bathroom the first time, my mom came in there with me. I had a contraction in there and started to come out. Kristin got up out of her chair outside of the bathroom door and said, “Nope – back in there. You are going to have a few contractions in there.” She replaced my mom and in she came. She had me turn on the toilet backwards and face the wall. When the first contraction came she massaged my back and got me through it. I could feel him move down. We did another. I hated it. But I knew it worked. When I came out of the bathroom, I saw the most amazing scene. The room was lit with tea lights and was exactly what I had pictured in my mind. It looked so pretty. The candles were lit, my music was playing. It was beautiful.

I tried a few different positions on the bed, I knew they weren’t working nearly as well as the bathroom. I can remember a contraction ending on the bed and shooting up and b-lining to the bathroom. I can remember saying as I sat on the toilet that I needed Kristin in there NOW. She was there and we did it. I got through a few more intense contractions there as they heated up the tub. I believe that it was this position that really got things moving.

When I got back into the tub it was probably around 6PM. Ty offered to step out and get Kristin a sandwich from Jimmy John’s – getting the green light from the team that he had plenty of time and wouldn’t miss much. (I had no idea he had gone anywhere.) I can remember being in the tub and getting to that place – “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t do this anymore.” I remember saying it out loud at one point and Annie saying “But you are doing it – with each contraction you say it is harder and harder, but you keep doing it.” Kristin would tell me that what I was feeling was just my baby. I can remember that during a contraction at this point, I started to panic. It was so intense, I could feel my breathing quicken. I could feel my face crumble. Kristin would remind me to not let the contraction happen to me – that I needed to take advantage of it and use it to bring my baby farther down. Before I knew it, I heard my sounds change. My low moan during a contraction quickly turned into a grunt. I couldn’t physically help it. I knew something had changed. I could hear the sounds in the room change too. I was hearing whispers. Another contraction came, and the sounds continued to go from moans to grunts. Chris soon came over to me and said, “Sweetie – what are you feeling?” I told her that I felt pressure. The words are few at this point – I had zero energy to elaborate. She checked me and told me that she could feel my anterior lip (I think) and that it was in the way and needing to be moved – which she did. I felt nothing. She then continued to check me and said, “OK, miss Jordan – you are complete and can push if you’d like. We’re going to have this baby!” The sounds in the room were amazing. I could hear my mom and Annie – I could actually HEAR their smiles - and their tears of excitement. Ty was behind me – and I couldn’t see him. I did a couple of pushes on my back but it just didn’t feel like it was the most efficient position and I hated being that far away from Ty. We decided I would get up into the squat position. I can remember turning towards my team and seeing smiles and excitement. I couldn’t help but feel the energy coming from them. And let me point out that my mom had a flashlight aimed “down there” the whole time I pushed. This cracks me up. Ty came right in front of me and we locked wrists. With each push, I could feel an enormous amount of pressure, but it didn’t hurt. It was so not what I expected. I pushed for a total of 28 minutes. I was a 1.5 at 4:30 and in just over 2 hours, I was at a 10. It was amazing. I have to say this – when his head came out, it was like nothing happened. I felt no pain, other than a little stretching. I honestly thought I had given birth to Beatlejuice. Remember that part? When his head shrunk? It felt like a pushed out a lolly pop. Kristin told me right then – “That was the hardest part.” And I thought – “wow, that was so not hard”. It was nothing compared to the contractions. Within moments he literally slid out of me so fast, he broke his own umbilical cord. He was swimming around behind me and we had to fish him out. Chris grabbed him and brought him up out of the water and handed him to me. And my life changed forever. My life changed forever at 7:21PM on November 6^th, 2011.

Photographs courtesy of www.onetreephotography.com

I remember saying “I am your Mama. Hi sweet boy, I am your Mama. Happy birthday. I love you so much.” I noticed his big, bright, alert eyes first. They were amazing. He was amazing. He was ours. We made him. I found Ty and I remember saying “I did it – can you believe it? I did it.” I looked around the room to find my mom and Annie. I remember looking at them and saying “I just had a fucking baby!” I just couldn’t believe it was over. I have never been so happy. It was the best moment of my life. Our baby was here and I did it. I did what I had hoped I could do. I did what I prepared for. I did what so many people told me was a long shot. I will tell all women who are interested in natural child birth – you can do it too.

I will never forget the connection I felt to Ty as I held our baby. I may have pushed that baby out, but I couldn’t have done it without him. During the labor, I knew that Ty felt a little lost. I was surrounded by women that knew what to do. Ty would have done anything to take the pain away from me – I know that. But he couldn’t. His role in this was so much bigger than he knows. I know he was nervous. I know he felt helpless (which is exactly why he stepped out to get Kristin a sandwich – he knew he could contribute by getting our Doula a sandwich – it was the least he could do). But when it came time to really get this baby out, he was exactly where I needed him. We needed to do that together.

And we did.

And there’s my mom. Flashlight holder. She was amazing. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was for her to watch me in pain. I can’t imagine what it was like to watch her baby, have a baby. She was so proud of me – I have never seen her smile that big, or cry that hard. My mom’s blog post on her take on this birth experience says it all. I love that she wrote that to me. I love that she was there. She saw her first grandbaby take his first breaths. No one can ever take that away from her.

I will never forget seeing Annie’s face. I knew exactly what she was feeling. The emotions I felt the day she gave birth to her daughter were by far more intense than those I felt on this day. To see someone go through labor and for that to be your best friend, is unexplainable. She didn’t have to say a word. Her face told me everything I needed to know. She gets it now – she now knows the pride I felt for her when she had Ali. She knows how amazing that experience was for me and how honored I felt to be a part of it. She knows how much I love her and how on that day, I had no words because I was so overwhelmed with what has just happened..

Photographs courtesy of www.onetreephotography.com

Wyatt Brady was born at 7:21PM. We spent the next few hours bonding with our new son, and before we knew it we were packed up and in the car heading home to our own bed at 10:30PM. I was literally in my bed, with Wyatt next to me in his co-sleeper just after 11PM – just over three hours after I gave birth.

Wyatt’s birth was so many things. It was hard. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was the biggest thing I’ve ever done. It was the most empowering thing I’ve ever accomplished. It was the first time I really trusted and believed in myself and my body. I would do it again tomorrow. I couldn’t have done it without the team of people that were there. Everyone played such an integral part in getting me to this place. Our midwifery team was fantastic. I will forever sing the praises of the Eastside Birth Center. Our Doula, Kristin Dibeh, was absolutely critical. She may have been hired to do a job that day, but she has since made a place in our family. I will always feel indebted to her.

Mostly, I will forever be grateful to Ty, for being everything I could ever hope for in a partner throughout our pregnancy, and knowing that during what I believe to be our defining moments, we came together as a family – of three.

7 Days

2011-11-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

a week ago ty and i were driving to the birth center because my contractions had completely vanished after a night of laboring on my own. i knew that we'd be meeting our baby soon, but i was focused only on getting things moving. later that day, when we took that drive again, in between intense contractions, i realized we would be meeting our baby boy soon. i looked over at ty for the first and only time during that drive and started crying as i voiced this incredibly powerful realization - "we are meeting our baby today". as quickly as the moment came, it passed, as i returned to the place inside myself that got me through each and every contraction until he came into this world. there is so much i want to write about that day - about our birth story. but i am going to wait on that.

this week has been the most amazing week of my life. i had no idea what this love would actually feel like. i still don't have the words to describe it. what i can say is this: my heart is so full of love for this new life - our life, my family - that i feel like it could burst out of my chest. i can't help but feel a new love for my husband. seeing him as a father is fascinating to me. he is such a natural. he loves his son so much. the way he talks to him, holds him, looks at him, smells him, calms him melts me. from our very first night, he's found his own little ways of doing things with him - things i would never think to do... his own "daddy" things that are his. for instance, he does what he calls the "simba" with him. he holds him up like he is the lion king, showing off his new cub. he will do this over and over again and he instantly calms down. he also does this little trick with the yoga ball that i would have never thought of on my own. someone gave me really great advice that i am so glad i've taken - let ty be the dad. you be the mom. don't tell ty what to do or how to do things. he'll do things differently then you, and he should. it was the best advice ever. watching ty establish his relationship with wyatt is so special. he is such an amazing father and i am not surprised. what i am surprised by is how much more i love my husband. our relationship has grown and evolved since we met, but the moment i saw him with his son, we were on a completely new playing field. i love my husband more than i ever thought i could.

which brings me to this love i feel for my son. people tell you that you will feel a love so powerful for your baby that you've never felt before. they are right. there are no words. i would give up anything for this boy. i am obsessed with him. his smell, his eyes, his hands, head, face, cheeks -- even his cries, his dirty diapers. today, we are obsessed with his nostrils. we have no idea where he got this little nose of his. it's not mine and it's not ty's... every thing else is ty's. except for his hair - that's from me. (i'll take what i can get.)

some other realizations this week:

breastfeeding is hard. but we are getting there. it hurts. but it's worth it.
sleep is overrated.
eating isn't a priority.
i almost like my body more now than i did before i was pregnant. so weird, but my stomach actually looks better to me now, than it did pre-pregnancy. this is weird, shocking, and totally not what i expected.
i totally get my mom now. there have been some pretty good "ah-ha" moments. i am sure this will deserve it's very own blog post soon.
i can't over-commit anymore. that hit me yesterday. it's been a week and ty and are just now having our first day, just the three of us. advice for you future mom's which i wish someone gave to me: bond as a family unit the first week, or two - or three. how ever long you need. so much goes on these first few days - new feelings, emotions, patterns, challenges, pressures. give yourself and your family time to adjust. people will understand. and if they don't - you won't have time to care.

every day is so new - new challenges, new wins and a stronger, more powerful love.

now, it's time to get back to a face i can't get enough of... and a smell that i could sink my nose into for the rest of my life. this poor kid.

this is wyatt, as we speak. sleeping soundly in the

best gift we got - our vibrating pack n' play.

Guest Writer Post: I Thought I Knew My Daughter, by Korbi Schmick

2011-11-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

My mom has been telling me that she has really wanted to write a post for my blog since I started it in April 2010. She sent her first entry in this morning and has asked that I share this and I couldn't be more honored to do so.

I thought I knew my daughter. But I didn’t. I thought I knew everything about her. I had a big part in raising her so how could anything she does surprise me? She is the grown woman I envisioned when she was a baby and since I worked hard at helping her become who she is today, I must know more than anyone about what she was capable of doing. She has shown me her strength, love, compassion and determination many times over during the course of her life. As it turns out, her best was yet to come.

I knew from the beginning that she was unique…and loved. There was never a question about my love for my daughter. Ask anybody. Jordan. She needed a name that would set her apart. So she got a unique name. A strong name. I didn’t know then how much and how often she would live up to her name. We have both had to live up to unique names. So we are the same--yet we are very different. Thankfully different as it turns out. But there has never been a question as to our connection from the beginning. The first time I heard her heartbeat, I was a goner. I knew she was a girl. That first kick. And the way she moved in me! I’ve still never seen anyone’s baby move as much as mine did in me. Late in my pregnancy, I’d run home after work, lay back in the recliner and just watch her roll. It was mesmerizing. She was a profound presence in my life from the moment I stared at that positive pregnancy test one Saturday morning many years ago. I remember there were cartoons on TV for some reason. She never liked cartoons as a child which I find ironic.

Like most expectant moms, I felt her presence constantly. I eagerly awaited her birth and wondered what she would look like. And when I saw her face for the first time, I locked in on her. She pulled my focus then and still does to this day. She is life. And she became my life. She’s the reason I know that I could give up own to save someone else’s. Hers, specifically. And those of two more babies that would follow. Yet, giving birth to her was not a joy. And my pregnancy, although crazy easy, was something I just wanted to get through. I wanted to meet my daughter but I didn’t live in the moment while pregnant, and certainly not during childbirth. This is where we are different. She has a vision for what she wants in life and goes after it. She is determined to make her vision a reality. This was never more evident than on her wedding day. She envisioned a perfect day of celebration, bucked the big wedding trend and got exactly what she wanted. A day that was peaceful and happy—no distractions and minimal stress. A day that was focused on the life she was starting with her husband, on a beach at sunset surrounded by people that loved them both. It was perfect. And her vision became my reality of what I believed to be her finest moment as a woman. Until now. Until the day she gave birth to her son—Wyatt. A strong name that he will no doubt live up to.

So it really came as no surprise that she had a vision for how she wanted to bring her child into the world. Peaceful and happy—no distractions and minimal stress. Natural childbirth. The first time she told me this I had to refrain from flinching. I had three kids. Tried to “go natural” with her but I was unprepared. No training. No real understanding of what it takes to make that commitment and then follow through on it. Seeing her train for this day over the past several months has been incredible. She read books and watched videos. She formed the team that would coach her throughout the pregnancy and be there for her and Ty during their defining moment. I am grateful to this team of midwives and a doula who worked so harmoniously together to ensure her vision became a reality. I’m grateful for Annie, the rock star best friend, who instinctively knew what she needed right when she needed it. To the birth photographer for capturing it all so beautifully on film. But mostly I’m grateful to Jordan for being dedicated to doing everything she could to make her child’s birth, well, natural. And for loving being pregnant and living in the moment like I have never seen her do before. Surprising me over and over again with her joy and calmness during her entire pregnancy. But the big moment loomed and I still wondered what the day would look like. I quietly worried about “complications” and even while she calmly explained the process, a part of me remained wary. Undaunted, she went at this like it was a marathon. As it turns out, it was. And she won. I am convinced that her training and dedication to making her vision a reality is why her labor progressed so quickly. Why she was focused and primal at the moment she gave birth. Why she was able to dig down deep into her soul and find that part of her that was strong and capable of doing something this hard. And Ty was her partner in all of this. He was with her every step of the way. Of course he was. This is who he is and who they are as a couple. They established this on their wedding day. They are a team and now they are a family. And watching them bring this child into the world together, arms and eyes locked—was indescribable. I will never forget this moment. I am truly grateful to them for giving me such a powerful memory. One I can call upon anytime I need a clear image of what teamwork, strength, commitment and family really looks like.

So I thought I knew my daughter, but I didn’t. I do now.

water's broken - now what?

2011-11-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

I wrote this post on Saturday afternoon, after my water broke. I am so glad I did because looking back and reading it now, I had forgotten what was really going through my mind before our world changed forever.

11.5.2011 at 12:58pm

hi my sweet boy... well, this morning at 7:45 i woke up with a stomach ache. i went potty and felt what i thought might be my water starting to break - just a trickle. not a rush of anything but it was definitely involuntary. i sat there for a bit, and quickly realized that my mucus plug had probably broken. i went back to bed and told your daddy that i thought something might be happening. i laid there for about 30 minutes and realized that i had probably been having contractions throughout the night because i was continuing to have them - i just thought i was having a stomach ache... i popped out of bed to take a shower and i had a few more flows of water leaking. i took a shower - thinking, "no way. this can't be it..." my mucus plug and water had definitely broken at the end of my shower. i called the birth center to let them know because they had asked that even if i'm not sure, but think my water broke to call them and let them know, so did. i quickly heard back from our midwife, chris, and she said that labor would probably start to kick in within the next 24 hours but to get rest throughout the day, drink a lot of water, eat, because there was a good chance i wouldn't be able to get a good night's sleep tonight. i let our doula, kristen know and we chatted on the phone for a bit before i finished getting ready. your daddy and i made our way to starbucks, as we would any normal typical saturday. (we actually ran into ashley and i had to pretend nothing was going on because i don't want to get too excited and scare these contractions away!) we had some breakfast, went to the store, came home and i took a nap. we just got back from a long walk with the pups and now your daddy is nesting - big time. he wants the garage to be clean for some reason... and he is dead set on picking up all of the halloween decorations. i thought now would be a good time to write you a little note, since my contractions are still coming but they are easy and manageable. they could be this way for awhile, which is why we don't want to shout I'M IN LABOR from the roof tops yet. we could be doing this for another day at least. i don't want to get everyone hyped up - like your auntie or gramma, so we are just going to go with it for awhile now and try to bring them on a little stronger before we actually acknowledge it. now's a good time for me to really reflect on this past 9 months... i can't believe we are going to meet you soon and see your sweet face. the work here will all be worth it and with each contraction i get more and more excited about your arrival. i try to imagine that you are that much closer to being in my arms and that my body is doing exactly what it's meant to do. bring you into this world as safely as possible. i am in total shock here... i am in denial that this could be it. part of me keeps thinking -- oh well, this could go on for days and days! but the reality is, my water has broken and you are getting ready in there. kristen has encouraged us to just have a fun day together and do something memorable because this is probably our last day of being able to do that! so i'm going to pull him out of his nesting mode and perhaps we can go to the mall or go get ice cream or something! in the meantime, here are some bump shots (the last one is from about 2 hours ago!):

t minus 5 (give or take 2+) weeks

2011-10-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

hey baby, it's me again. we've got about 5 or so more weeks together - like this. you know, you - cozy inside me. you've been so active lately. you get the hiccups about twice a day and it's like this little reminder that you are in there getting ready to breath real air and grace us with your presence. you are inching your way up into my ribs more and more but you haven't been as violent as some mom's describe their kiddo's to be. we had our 35 week appointment yesterday and we learned that you have been in the same position since 22 weeks. head down, and ready to go! it sounds like there is no reason to believe you'll move, so that's great to know. since i last wrote to you, we have been to 3 of our birth classes. i've spent the last three weeks doing little "exercises" to get ready for you:

pelvic rocks - picture your mama on all 4's doing reverse crunches. apparently this gets you into position for labor. anterior rather than posterior is ideal... we started out in week 1 doing 50 a night, then it moved to 80, and now we are up to 100. better be worth it kid.

a squat - sounds easy enough right? ya, not so much. i've got to have both feet planted on the floor and holding onto nothing for 1-2 minutes per evening. balance is not my friend these days, but i will tell you i can see why this position will help you and i get through our hours of labor together... i feel so much pressure "down there" as your little (which will soon feel HUMUNGO) head packs itself down.

kegals - these are hard to explain to an unborn child but what i will say is i have to "strengthen my pelvic floor" and prepare for your delivery, as well as my healing post-delivery. we started out in week 1 doing 50 a night, then it moved to 100, and now we are up to 100 with 2 second breaks in between each one. good. times.
butterflies - these, well, i don't get. i am not really sure what i am doing and to be honest, most nights i just skip them. i figured if i don't know how to do them, and are most likely doing them wrong any way, oh well. i can't be perfect at everything.

20 minutes of relaxation, alone - i consider this my "before bed" time. i try to focus on my breathing before i fall asleep. if i can squeeze a nap in, i will do it then.
20 minutes of relaxation, with your daddy - this happens, maybe three times a week. this is when we actually go to bed together at the same time. we are supposed to learn how to "relax together" so that when i go into labor, he can help me focus through contractions. apparently, there will be times where i will want to do this alone, and others where i will just want him with me and present. maybe not talking to me, but just there.
20-30 minutes of exercise each night - i try to go on walks with daddy and the pups each night. realistically, this is happening less and less with the weather getting crappier and crappier. but i'm acutely aware of the benefits here. i need to just suck it up, put a coat on and grab a leash.
yoga ball sitting - i try to sit on my ball at least 90 minutes per night... instead of watching TV in bed, i hop on my ball so your head will "engage in my pelvis" for labor day. i actually like this one.

we also have reading to do each week, along with a well rounded diet to abide by (it's called the brewer's pregnancy diet) which is great, but i feel like i have to eat a small meal every hour in order to fit all the food groups in.

i will tell you one thing - this "prep work" is like a second job. but i do believe in what it's intended to do. i'm not complaining... too much... right?

we've been talking more and more about your arrival - and the days leading up to it. all the planning and prepping will soon be distant memories and the only thing we'll be seeing is your sweet face.

you are about to rock our world little man. i say this knowing full well it's the truth, but also not knowing the extent of it all. how could i? all i know is that i can't wait for you to be here, no matter how hard it will be. i know that our love for you will be this big, wonderful, unexplainable, unimaginable, heart-so-full-it-might-just-burst love. and i can't wait.

love,
your mama, who is also already obsessing over your circumcision.

showered

2011-09-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

ty and i have been so lucky to have such an amazing group of people supporting us through this pregnancy! we've been blessed with four baby showers and we feel so humbled by everyone's generosity. it really is overwhelming to think about everything you need to get ready for a little one to join the family. our friends and family have come to the rescue and given us gifts we couldn't do without. "thank you" really doesn't do how we feel justice. we truly feel lucky to have you guys. i wanted to share a few pictures from a shower hosted by my mom and mother-in-law earlier this month at my aunt's house. it was such a beautiful day - the weather couldn't have been better, and the turn out was awesome! (thank you to auntie annie for getting some fun shots with her iphone that day!)

little peanut,

2011-09-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

hi sweet boy. it's been awhile. i'm sorry about that! i have to tell you little man, your mama is feeling emotional these days. i can't believe we'll be 33 weeks along in just a few days. it is getting more real by the day that you will be in our lives, physically, in just just a few weeks. we are less than two months away from the due date, and i have little moments where i picture myself with you in the house. i picture your daddy rocking you in your chair, changing your diaper, giving you kisses, laughing at your noises. we have gotten so much done around the house. the good news is, we are ready for you. the bad news is, this is probably when time slows down for me and i begin to (ya, right - i'm there) get antsy for your arrival. we have your swing and pack n' play built downstairs in the family room. we have the car seat and stroller in the living room. our dining room table is covered with bottles, a baby food maker, a dishwasher cage, a baby food cook book, etc. your co-sleeper is built and ready for you in our bedroom. and your room... well, we're about there. clothes are in the dresser, pictures are hung, outfits are hung, blankets are washed and folded. i picked out the outfits we'll take with us to the birth center last night. we've got 2 options, sir. one if you are nice to mama and are in the 7-8lb range and another if you are a big boy. i love both, but obviously not-so-secretly am hoping to put you in option 1 which is the smallest, cutest little kicky pants snap up striped number with a super cute green hat that your auntie and uncle stookey picked out for you. option 2 is just as cute. it's a zip up number with little jeeps on it, just for daddy, that you'd wear with this cute grey knit hat. we'll just have to see now won't we?

i am getting nervous for labor. i know i can do it, women do it everyday. but i don't know what i don't know. we decided to go with a birth center because i am hoping for a water birth. i've read some amazing books and i've had some really encouraging conversations. we start our 9 weeks of birth classes tomorrow. i am hoping knowledge is power here little guy. i am going to do my best to trust my body, trust what it's made to do, and bring you into this world as safely as possible. at the end of the day, i want you to be safe. if that means no water birth, that's ok too - but that's what we are preparing for. (when i start to doubt myself, i think about all of the women in africa that work all day through labor, walk to a special spot in the corn field, squat, have their baby, wrap him or her up and then continue on about their work day. totally.) i've been trying to picture what it will be like when i go into labor. will it be during the day? the middle of the night? will i be at home? will your daddy be home? is it going to go slower than i expect? faster? so many questions, the list could go on and on. it's a waste of time asking them, i know. but they are there - in my head, swirling around among the many questions and images i have as i get closer and closer to this new life. your life.

i promise to write a few more of these before you are here. i know that as we get closer, i am going to be feeling new things. it is the most amazing thing having you growing inside me but having no idea who you are by the way. at the same time, it also weirds me out to know that i have something inside me with a face and toenails. i am just being honest. there are moments where this whole thing seems unreal to me. you are my baby, growing inside me, and we are going to meet soon. and my life is going to change forever.

for the better.

i can't wait.

love you, peanut. to the moon and back.

30 down, 10+ to go...

2011-09-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

i can't believe i am 30 weeks pregnant. that just seems so odd. the last 10 weeks went by so so so fast. i had no idea it was going to pick up like that but it definitely did. i've learned a lot about myself in the last 30 weeks. there have also been a lot of things i just didn't expect to think or feel when i was pregnant.

i didn't realize i would have such a rocky relationship with food
thought i'd feel bigger sooner - i.e. i thought my bump would have been more prominent, noticeable, in the way much sooner into my pregnancy... it wasn't until about 4 weeks ago that i actually felt pregnant... but to be honest, i still kind of feel like that now, so maybe it never really will hit me like i expected it to
the movements i feel are more alien-like than i expected, but at the same time i've gotten used to them in a way i didn't anticipate. i thought i'd be super distracted by all of his movements but they are just super normal now.
i didn't think i'd be nervous about baby coming like i am starting to feel... i am nervous about the labor, yes. but i'm also starting to feel nervous about the changes... and i am starting to feel guilty when i look at my sweet puppies. oh how their world is about to change.
i thought i would have been more tired in my first trimester than i was
i am a lot more tired now than i expected to be... and it's only going to get worse i hear
i didn't expect to get kidney stones
i didn't expect to fail my first glucose screen and definitely didn't expect i'd have to prick my finger like a real diabetic for 3 days
i didn't expect to be iron deficient - drinking 10 mL of this nasty liquid iron 4 times a day is still NOT something i look forward to...
i don't talk to my baby as much as i thought i would
i thought ty would have felt the baby move more than he has -- seriously, every time ty comes into the room, he freezes up... i'll call ty to come all the way upstairs because "he's moving like CRAZY". the second ty puts his hand on my belly, wyatt immediately stops. lately, i've been trying to let ty sneak up on him so he doesn't expect it, and since then, we've only got one good kick out of him.
i didn't expect to be so excited about having a boy... i thought it was going to be less fun prepping for a boy... i was wrong. boy's are so fun.
i've actually had a much easier time finding boy clothes that i like - it costs some moo-la, but it's possible to find cute, non-cheesy boy clothes (think: Splendid, North Face, American Apparel, Tea, Kicky Pants)
i thought our house was plenty big for just one more little person -- i didn't realize how much space all of this little person's stuff was going to take up!
thought my hair was going to get thicker and longer and more luxurious... nope.
thought my nails were going to be extra long and perfect... nope.
thought that certain body parts wouldn't be impacted by pregnancy as much as some obviously have... good times.

there's been so many fun things about pregnancy... one thing is for sure, i am enjoying it just as much as i expected i would - kidney stones and all!

GD It

2011-08-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile and i have a lot to catch up on! here goes nothin'!

my two best friends hosted my girlfriend baby shower earlier this month and it was such a special weekend. lindsay flew in from KC that week and came up to spend the night the evening before the big day with annie and i. i just loved having these girls here. i know i will always look back on that weekend and remember how special they made me feel and how i finally felt pregnant. being celebrated like that makes everything so real. my most special friends showed for the celebration and i just loved having everyone in the same place. (unfortunately, i didn't take pictures, but i am hoping lindsay or annie got a few that i can put into the blog at a later date. stay tuned!) a BIG thank you to everyone who came to "shower" me. you all got me so excited for our little man to be here! and a very special THANK YOU to annie and lindsay for EVERYTHING you did to make the weekend so special. you both put so much work into it - every detail was so thoughtful. i love you both so so so much!

pregnancy update - about three weeks ago i had to do the dreaded (by most, with the exception of annie, who loves the "orange drink") glucose screen (otherwise known as the "Do you have gestational diabetes?" test). i was confident going into the test. unfortunately, confidence isn't enough to pass. i also got a really crappy bruise because the assistant at my birth center blew my vein. lovely.

here's where the drama begins. i get the call from my midwife the next day, just as my mom and i were getting ready for her birthday spa day at red door. great timing. (as i walked into our appointment in tears, i was quickly distracted when the receptionist told me i was going to be getting a complimentary deep conditioning and blow dry.) in the message from my midwife, she explained that i was going to have to take the 3 hour screen the following week. not what i wanted to hear. or do. or accept for that matter. instead of being my typical laid back self (right?) and just going with the flow, i leave a snotty message for my midwife team informing them that i WILL NOT be taking the 3 hour test and would like to know what my other options are. after a rebellious evening, i got a call the next day. not taking the test wasn't really an option for me. awesome. fine. i scheduled the GD test (GD has several meanings at this point) for that next tuesday. to prepare for this test, you have to fast for 8-10 hours prior to the test. my test was at 8am. i started fasting at 8pm. 10 hours right? um no. not only have i NEVER been good at math, being pregnant doesn't help me one bit. so i fasted for 12. good job, jord.so i wake up starved - more starved than i need or should be. ty and i head to the appointment. i confidently (that word again) walk into the appointment. they draw my blood, give me the gross orange drink and tell me to down it in 5 minutes. oh yah, and don't throw up. (if you throw up the drink you have to "come back another day".) easy peasy. we head back out to the lobby where we'll wait for an hour until my next blood draw. ty heads to starbucks to get some coffee. i patiently wait reading articles on my iphone. he returns with his coffee and i am feeling fine. about 10 minutes later i knock his VERY full (and HOT) coffee over in the lobby. for the next 15 minutes we have to watch as the receptionist cleans up MY mess. we weren't allowed to help because we were in a lab and there could be chemicals in the carpet (yah, i had to spill it on carpet of all things -- you'd think a lab would have all linoleum floors, right?). i felt horrible. ty heads back out to starbucks to get a "refill" (at least it was free!). just as he walked back in that's when the wave of "oh shit" hit me... sweat beads running down my back, and a pitiful "i don't feel good" coming out of my mouth. we were 3 minutes away from hitting the one hour mark. i couldn't believe it was happening. i spent the next 5 minutes in the bathroom. it was over. i called my midwife and she said i was going to have to prick my finger to test my blood sugars now because i couldn't get through the test. again, not what i wanted to hear. i cried the whole way home like i was 5 years old. i cried at home. i cried off and on for most of the day. i was so disappointed in myself for not being able to keep the drink down. i was so frustrated that i couldn't just get the test over with so i could show everyone i didn't have GD. the drama continued the remainder of the week, but i will spare you.

i don't have GD, GD it. after three days of finger pricking 4 times a day, we quickly learned that my sugar levels are low and that i am in the clear. PHEW!

now, back to enjoying being pregnant - 11 (or 13) weeks left to go. i hit the 29 week mark yesterday and can't believe it. third trimester!? this is all going by way too fast now. i am really loving being pregnant right now. i'm showing, everyone knows there's a baby in there and not a huge plate of spaghetti. i feel wyatt all of the time and there is something so unreal about loving someone so much and you haven't even seen them yet. i am in love with his little movements and there are times where i catch myself laughing at them. i so often wonder and even say aloud, "what are you doing in there little man?".

i am loving this time with ty. i feel closer to him than i ever have and i can tell you that the past several months have been so much fun. we have just had such a great time - laughing together, going out on little dates together, talking about when baby comes, walking with our pups, prepping the nursery, feeling baby kicks. our marriage feels strong and steady. i'm in love with our friendship.

:: we went to mukilteo this past sunday! ::

and here are my most recent bump shots!

:: 25 Week Bump Shot ::

:: 27 Week Bump Shot ::

:: 29 Week Bump Shot ::

we also had a little adventure down to ocean side (south of cannon beach) a few weekends ago to stay with our friends cherie and steve at their beach house, which was absolutely amazing! it wouldn't have been an adventure without a sick puppy though. ben ended up drinking salt water on accident at the beach and we ended up staying up all night with a pukey puppy. here's a pic of the poor baby as we waited at the vet in lincoln city... it's pathetic really.

our entry way looks like this much of the time due to the number of packages we receive, largely due to my out of control on line ordering habit these days.

there ya have it... a long, overdue and random post. next post: nursery update! we should make some significant headway in the next few weeks. the shutters are getting installed on monday, annie and i are working on a wall project the weekend of the 10th, and the dresser should be here by the 14th (if we're lucky).let the fun begin!

generation w

2011-07-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

hi sweet boy - as i write this note to you, you and i are cozy inside listening to your daddy and grandpa hard at work just outside our bedroom window. i've been popping in and out to check on them as they team up and paint our shingles. (your daddy wants to make sure our house looks great for our baby shower next weekend!) as i listen to them, i can't help but think about what it will be like when there's a new generation on the scene. your daddy has learned so much from your grandpa and i know he can't wait to teach you too. you've got so many amazing men in your life little guy - so many strong examples to look up to.

:: Daddy, hard at work - helmet and all ::

:: Grandpa, mannin' the lift! ::

you are going to fit in so well with these two guys - and i am so looking forward to the days when i can pop outside and see the three of you hard at work. i am so excited to see your little jobs grow into big jobs. someday you'll be hard at work with your dad on your own home. and you can bet he'll be the first one there helping you out - just like grandpa is the one right there for daddy.

our love for you continues to grow every day. hearts are going to burst out of us by the time you are here. get ready buddy.

love,
mama

:: Here we are little one - 25 week bump shot! ::

mama said...

2011-07-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

the last two weeks have been jam packed - with good times, and not so good times. last weekend, i spent 3 glorious days in kansas city with the bowen's and had so much fun. i have to say, it was one of my most fun visits to see lindsay! i feel so fortunate to be able to take a few trips a year to see her and spend time with her family. this was just another one to write down in the history books. boy, was it H O T... which could be part of why my uneventful pregnancy took a turn on tuesday! i know i was good about drinking water, and if it wasn't for lindsay, i'd probably drink hardly anything!

on tuesday i ended up in the hospital with kidney stones. let me tell you - they weren't "kiddin" around. kidney stones and pregnancy aren't a good match. after three hours at the urgent care in woodinville (after ditching tarsi at purple!) with ty and annie, we ended up at the ER, where my mama met us. [i feel like there needs to be a separate post at some point just for the events that took place at the urgent care... i will just put it this way: it was just a glimpse into what the labor scene may be - complete with me snapping at ty as he nervously makes suggestions to help me "focus" on anything but the pain. love you honey.] after an ultrasound and several IVs, i ended up getting admitted at 2am into evergreen. (ironically, i was put in the room right next door to where annie had sweet ali girl just 11 months ago!). i was there until 5:30 or so on wednesday. i am so incredibly lucky - my mama stayed with me practically the entire time, and annie was an absolute god-send. she worked from the hospital while i napped. voni came a few times that day to check in as well. (ty had to hop a plane to new orleans on wednesday morning at 7am!) annie stayed with me the remainder of the week and my mom came and stayed the weekend here. it's been a rough few days, but i am feeling a lot better. despite the lack of actual "stone passing" at this point, i am just happy to have a break from the pain! until then, i will be straining my pee "like it's my religion" (as my urologist told me today) and hoping a stone passes so we can figure this thing out! (the disappointments that stemmed from this are also worth mentioning. i missed one of my oldest friends baby showers this weekend, which killed me -- and i wasn't able to go to cape cod for a business trip today...)

in other news, wyatt is growing like a weed (and i am two weeks behind on my notes to him! i will pick these back up this weekend!) and i am feeling him move like crazy. i love it. knowing he's there all the time is so incredibly comforting - and his little hello's are indescribable. life is good! ty is still gone for work and will be back wednesday night. i hate when he's gone. what's new. i keep thinking about his reaction when he sees my belly next! i know it's grown and he'll see a difference since last week.

we have made some progress on the nursery -- here are a few teaser shots!

we ended up going with a different dresser - which will be here soon. i think it will really bring the room together. we obviously still have some work to do here, but it's been fun seeing all of the little things come together! stay tuned for more soon.

thanks again to everyone for all of your support last week. yet again, i am reminded that i have the most amazing people in my life!

signing off,
one lucky knocked up chick.

dear little one,

2011-07-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

hi sweet baby. another week has gone by and i will tell you - it was pretty eventful. last weekend we celebrated the 4th of july and had such a fun time. you gave little hello kicks to daddy, gramma, uncle trev and uncle cam! such a fun day. (you actually said hello to your daddy a week before... which was so cute! you gave me two big one's so i yelled for daddy to come up stairs and when he got up there in 2 miliseconds his heart was beating so fast. when i asked him if he felt it he said, "i think so... but my heart is beating out of my hand right now!" so sweet! when your gramma felt you her eyes lit up instantly and she started talking to you and telling you how much she loves you. i loved hearing her talk to you.) your mama over did it that day though. you've been such an amazing baby this trimester - i often forget that i need to take it easy and slow down because it's been such an easy past few months. i love having my energy back, but i do need to remember that long days aren't a good idea anymore. either way, we had a fantastic time celebrating!

we spent the day on tuesday basking in the sun with uncle trev, uncle cam, and auntie tiff! just what we needed after a long monday! wednesday was when the week took a turn. what i thought were allergies ended up being a really exhausting cold - hence the day delay on today's post! (i literally spent the entire day yesterday in bed!) i am finally feeling somewhat back to normal today! phew!

daddy also got his "daddy car" on friday! we said good bye to skidatdat... and hello to....

daddy is starting his next summer project today - your dresser. wish us luck! we have some really good ideas for this dresser and our fingers are crossed that we can execute accordingly. and by we, i mean your papa. should it not go as planned, not that i think it won't, we do have a back up plan! we found a nice kids dresser at costco today that would be just fine in your room - not as much personality, but it would do the job!

well kiddo - the days are starting to fly by! we are getting more and more excited for you, we can hardly stand it! we booked a birth photographer last weekend (http://onetreephotography.com/details/birth-photography/) and are so so so excited. jessica is a perfect fit for us and we know she is going to capture those moments perfectly for us! she'll even come a few days after you're here to get your new born shots! what a little munchkin you'll be!

we love love love you! so much already. what are we in for when you're actually here, wyatt!?

oh hey baby,

2011-07-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

this is what your gramma got us for our anniversary this year. this poem is very special to us. your auntie lindsay read this poem at our wedding and since then it has carried special meaning for us. we are going to put it in your nursery. i love having your little picture in there. the thing i love most about it is seeing your little heart. sweet baby, i carry your heart with me. wherever i go, you go. the poem means even more to us now.

your chair came and who knew a piece of furniture would bring me so much entertainment and joy. i am so happy to walk up stairs and see it in there. 1. it makes your room look one step closer to being complete and 2. i can now sit in there for hours dreaming about you and who you'll be, what it will be like to have you in my arms as i rock you, what you'll smell like. i like to take the blanket off the back of the chair and wrap myself up in it and talk to you and tell you stories about the day.

we continue to have big dreams for you buddy. as you know, or will know, your daddy is amazing. carrying on from last week, i wanted to tell you about some of the things about your daddy that i hope you learn from him some day. i can promise you one thing, you'll score one cool chick if you do! (yes, i wrote that.)

1. he knows how to work a grill, a cocktail shaker, a leaf blower, and a rototiller. there isn't anything your daddy won't try and when he does, he masters it!

2. he opens the door for me wherever we go. the only time he doesn't do it is in when i tell him it's ok not to.

3. he always checks in on his way home from work to see if i need him to stop at the store.

4. he knows when to be a kid. and when not to be.

5. he never, ever, ever, ever tells me if he thinks another woman is attractive. he magically knows how to always keep it about me. for example, this week i said something about how pretty jessica alba was pregnant. his response? "your way prettier, babe." keep in mind, i had his sweats on, his sweatshirt on, no makeup, dirty hair, and corn stuck in my teeth. sure babe. but i'll take it.

6. on days i work from home, he goes to starbucks and picks me up a (now decaf) coffee to get my day going right.

7. instead of flowers, he'll buy me an us weekly when he's sorry about something. that's how well he knows me.

8. every weekend he'll ask two questions: 1. anything you have your heart set on doing this weekend? and 2. anything you need me to get done around here this weekend?

9. he enjoys the moment. (i appreciate this more and more about him every day.)

10. his family comes first.

there are so many more things.

i keep imagining what it will be like when you two lock eyes for the first time. that moment, where he looks down at you and it hits him - you're his. he created you and the love he feels for you is so intense he can't find words (he gets this from your grandpa). i can't wait to see a look on his face that i've never seen before - a look saved up just for you - a look of unconditional love and pride.

we're a team and we can't wait for you to join us.

jensen, party of three. yes, please.

sweet boy,

2011-06-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

happy saturday my love. it's been another fabulous week with you. you are moving so much more and getting a lot stronger! last night, when auntie and i went to the seattle men's chorus concert, i think you really enjoyed the music! you were definitely moving and a' shakin' in there! i'm just dying for the day when your daddy can feel you from the outside. that is going to be the most amazing day. you are going to love your daddy so much. i know you are going to be a little daddy's boy and be a mini version of him. i think about that a lot now, knowing you are a little boy. you have the most amazing example to look up to as you grow up. you are a lucky little man to have such an amazing daddy.

remember last weekend when i wrote to you that your auntie and uncle dui threw you the most amazing gender reveal party? well, auntie sent pictures from the big reveal and i thought you'd love to see how we celebrated you with some of our closest friends and family for the first time. as you can tell, auntie's attention to detail is so incredible.

everything looked so amazing. i loved everything they thought of. some of my favorite things they did were how they decorated their mantle and the chalk board where everyone had to vote what they thought you were. (i can't get these pictures to rotate and it's killing me. i can't not include them.)

we had some of my favorite things to eat. obviously, we had the sour patch kids and jelly beans - but we also had bagel bites, pickles, peppercini's, and salt and vinegar chips! for dinner we had a taco bar, fully stocked with everything we needed to make our very own double decker tacos! like i said, auntie thought of everything.

the absolute best part of the night was definitely the big reveal. seeing everyone's faces as your daddy cut the cake was so much fun!

no two are more excited than your daddy and i...

and the cake... this cake, i tell ya baby, it was the best.

and the votes were in... and they were right!

and lastly, we had some very special guests join us to celebrate you, my sweet boy. you are already so loved by so many. there are quite a few people that can't wait to get their hands on you!

we have auntie and uncle dui to thank for such an amazing party. they opened their home and were the most fantastic hosts! i can't wait for you to meet them! uncle dui was behind the lense, but we did get a good shot of auntie and i. (don't mind my posture!)

we love you more everyday honey bunny. it's hard to believe we are entering our 21st week together. keep cooking in there. and by the way, i've been singing to you a lot these days. so far, i think your favorite songs are songs from our wedding - van morrison, phil colins, journey, ben marley, and jack johnson to name a few! get ready for some new tunes next week - thinking we'll try a little more country!

dear wyatt,

2011-06-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

sweet baby boy, you made our week. your daddy and i saw you for the first time on wednesday. you are so much more real to us now. when i saw you for the first time up on that screen, i knew instantly you were a little boy. our little boy. seeing you for the first time was by far the most amazing moment of my life. to know that your daddy and i made you is beyond me. it's pretty crazy! you are perfect and your sweet profile is ingrained in my brain. i am going to love this second half of pregnancy so much, i can already tell. i know that you are cozy inside and with me always. you are starting to make your presence known more and more. even this morning your little movements were so much stronger. i think my days of sleeping on my belly are soon coming to an end...things were probably feeling a little snug in there for you, which is probably why i could feel you move so much more. sorry monkey!

your auntie and i had such a fun time on wednesday after we found out you are a little boy. she's so excited and loves you so much already. she and uncle dumond hosted a gender reveal shower for us yesterday! (pictures and more to come on that!) everyone was so fun and i loved seeing everyone's faces when we cut open the cake to show off the cutest blue layers. i will say i am pretty happy we told gramma that you were a boy before the party! when we met her for lunch after the appointment she was absolutely shocked that you had a p and not a v. she's never wrong on these things and boy was she this time!

everyone loves your name. wyatt brady jensen. it's fun to actually see and write out knowing that you are you. when i go to sleep at night i imagine what you are going to be like. who will you look most like? will you have our blue eyes? will you be a little toe head just like your daddy? what will your little smile look like? what will your cry sound like? most importantly, what will this love feel like? we have so much to look forward to, and in 4 months, you've already brought us so much happiness and joy. we have so many dreams for you kiddo. and we'll do anything for you. anything.

your mama loves you sweet boy. sweet dreams.

Week 15, 17 & 19

2011-06-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

i realized that i haven't posted any bump shots on my blog in awhile, so i wanted to get them in here! below are my 15, 17, and 19 week bump shots!

dear baby,

2011-06-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

wow. this is the last weekend before we see your sweet profile. i can't read that sentence without crying. i am beyond excited to see you for the first time. it's hard for your daddy and i to imagine what that will be like. we keep talking about how crazy it will be to see our little bambino moving around on the screen for the first time. we are most looking forward to hearing the words, "yep, everything looks good - measuring perfectly". you are already so loved, sweet baby. we can't wait for you to be here with us. we've started your room already. it's a really calm teal blue color. daddy built your crib (with very minimal help from your mama - i simply stood there holding the sides in excitement). we obviously don't know if you are a boy or a girl, but i found some bedding i really liked at merry go round, should you be a little girl. however, you won't be surprised to know, i am already changing my mind on it. i'm thinking that even if you are a girl, i will probably take it back. i will say, i have had several little boy dreams over the last few weeks. your grandma k thinks you are a girl - she's dead set on it. she also believes you are going to make your debut on 11.11.11. (she's obsessed with 11's... i already told her she's pretty much guaranteed her 11.11 grand baby - assuming you don't show your face 2 weeks early and end up being a 10.11 baby!) daddy thinks you are a girl too... grandma and grandpa j think you are a little boy. grandpa d thinks you are a girl, as do your amazing uncles. auntie thinks you are a girl too... either way, sweet bambino, you are going to have an amazing life. you can count on it.

i think i felt you this morning... just a couple of little taps to say good morning. i have to be really still and focused because it's still so faint. so faint in fact, i could be dead wrong. but for now, i am going to imagine that it was you, doing a little stretch and getting cozy while your daddy and i laid in bed contemplating our typical saturday venture to starbucks for breakfast. good morning baby - we love you!

this is the first of many notes to you my little love. we can't wait to see you on wednesday and tell you hello. until then, keep growing in there. and just one pretty small ask, please don't hide your private parts from us. i'm pretty sure i won't move off that bed until we spot your p or v. the ultra sound tech will have to drag me out of there if you are a little trickster. our little gathering on friday is dependent on you cooperating!

we love you, little babe. now and always.

brain farts

2011-06-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

if i didn't know i was pregnant, my slow, unreliable brain would tell me... like it did today. over, and over... and OVER again.

today was definitely filled with unwanted brain farts.it started from the second i opened my mouth. i completely blanked on phrases i use all the time, names i know well, details i wouldn't normally miss. it's true - pregnancy brain is real. and it just makes me feel dumb. at one point today i was blanking on someone's name and just blurted out "i'm pregnant" as if that would make it all better. i found myself, "blaming the baby" on what felt like an hourly basis. good mom.

i also need to slow down. which i plan to do... at some point. soon. as in when i am in labor and have no choice but to buckle down and just breath. i will say i did go to my first prenatal yoga class last night. i honestly felt like i crashed the party - i was the only one under 20 weeks pregnant. and i feel like i'm growing a giant "food baby" (insert scene from Juno: Are you sure you are pregnant? Are you sure it isn't just a food baby?) rather than a real one.

speaking of, we are 17 weeks... which means our baby is the size of an onion and actually has it's very own little finger prints! let the countdown begin to the day where we can stop saying "it" and "them". we find out what "it" is on june 15th and couldn't be more excited... 14 more sleeps.

here are a couple of updates on our nursery. the wall is painted, the crib is built, and a dresser is purchased. we ty found the dresser, which we he will refinish ~~ourselves~~ himself. Guess how much it cost... you'll never guess. $20.

i'm fun

2011-05-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

i've been super fun to be around this week... i mean that seriously, for once. i feel good. i am fun to be around. unlike last week (and the week before, and probably the week before that too...) the fun started on friday (our anniversary, naturally). this week, i've been joining ty on our evening walks with the dogs, helping with dinner, doing some chores around the house, laughing, smiling, and all of the nice things a sweet wife does.

last week was a different story:

i spilled milk on the counter in the laundry room after i dumped a pile of freshly washed clothes on top of them. i then snapped at ty to "leave me alone and get out" because he said my name wrong after wards.
i aggressively put my feet in his face as he watched tv so he'd rub them for me while he watched tv downstairs when he was obviously avoiding me and trying to stay out of my way. i did this at least 5/7 days of the week.
i woke him up out of a dead sleep to take the dogs out to go potty in the morning after i had already been up for a potty break. i did this at least 3 days last week.
i nagged him multiple times per day about getting started on the nursery.

another fun thing for ty has been dinner time.

"what do you want for dinner?"

this is ty's least favorite question to ask these days... see below for the obvious reasons.

in this order...

things i love lately...

anything fruit - especially tangerines, strawberries, and apples!
pickles - especially Vlasic's bread and butter chips
peppercini's
Dreyer's Fruit Bar Popsicles
lemonade
anything with lemons and limes
salt and vinegar chips
sour jelly beans
bagel bites
ketchup
artisan egg sandwiches at starbucks
cottage cheese
anything with sour cream - tacos, nachos, quesadillas

as for things that don't sound so good that i used to love -- cheeseburgers, french fries (tator tots i can do!), ice cream, and chocolate sweets (i.e. m&ms, brownies, cake, cookies, etc.). i used to kill for those things and now, they get an "ehh" vote from me.

i am sure this list will evolve over time - shrinking and growing with each week. heck, some of these change by the minute!

now, what to eat tonight...

the good news is i am more open to food. this week's fave has been recreating taco bell's double decker taco.

what you need:

hard taco shells
flour taco tortillas (the small ones)
refried beans
cheese
shredded lettuce
roma tomato
sour cream (duh)

what you do:

spread refried beans on a flour tortilla
wrap the flour tortilla around the outside of the hard taco
fill the hard taco with all the fixin's!
yummmmmmmmm.

enjoy! (probably not as much as me...)

5.20

2011-05-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm dying right now because I can't believe another year's gone by... a year's gone by since I wrote this.

Two year's have gone by since this:

Today, Ty and I celebrate our 2 year anniversary and look forward to not only this next year together, but so many more. I feel like my pregnancy brain has drained me of words today. I have very few (lucky for Ty since we are spending the entire day together!). Instead, I will spend today basking in the sun with my husband, with a giant smile on my face. I will think about the last several years we've spent together, from the first time he walked into my life expecting nothing but a chicken burger dinner all the way to today, as we walk around the city talking about the little life we have yet to meet - our naval orange sized bambino growing, squirming and wiggling around in my belly.

Ty - I love you honey! I know I didn't get you a card this year, but consider this my love note to you. You are the most amazing, most patient, most loving man. I am so incredibly lucky. You are my perfect match. I am so excited to see you become a dad this year. There is no one I'd rather share this life with. Here's to many more years together - and by together, I mean many years of me driving you insane with my antics while you continue to make me the luckiest girl in the world. A day doesn't go by where I don't love you and appreciate you more... Love, love, love you! -- Jordan

On my mind :: 14 Weeks

2011-05-13T17:01:00.000-07:00

:: 14 Week Bump Shot - Taken May 12th, 2011 ::

I'm totally not going to be one of those girls that judges herself and the changes her body goes through when she's pregnant. Nope. I don't really notice the fact that my face is a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitle rounder than usual. Nope. Not concerned at all about the fact that my upper arm has grown somewhat and has less tone. Doesn't bother me one bit.

Maybe just one bit - but I do know that when I am 40 weeks pregnant, probably with two weeks left before I meet my baby still, I will look back at this picture and think, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn I looked good" because my arms will be even bigger, my face even rounder. Get over it, Jord!

I will say I do love knowing that there's a little person (that actually looks more and more like a baby now!) growing inside me. Part me. Part Ty. All love.

My sweet grandma and I talked this week. I don't think anyone is more excited about this baby than her. She's giddy with excitement about this bambino and I can't get enough of it when I talk to her.

Grandma: Oh honey! I think I can now talk to you about what you are going through. I went to Barnes & Noble today and got a book that walks me through week by week of pregnancy! So now you have to tell me exactly where you are at so I can go read what's going on right now.

Me: Well, I am 14 weeks today.

Grandma: OK, 14 weeks. Let's see here... OK. Here we are. Oh look! (She then goes on to describe what she sees and then reads me the short description of the progress the little one will make this week.)

Me: Isn't it so exciting to see?

Grandma: Oh yes!! Now, let's make sure we talk every week so I can tell you what's going on.

She is the cutest. She is the best grandma - from day one she and I have been hooked. I love hearing all of the stories about how she couldn't get enough of me when I was first born. How she used to come over to my parent's house at lunch time just to hold me. How she used to snatch me up and rescue me when Trevor was born. We'd go shopping. We'd do sleep overs. It all just continued through elementary school, junior high and high school. She and my sweet Grandpa would take Trev and I to Hawaii for fun trips. And even in college I'd spend my spring breaks with her and my Grandpa (and the SUN!) in Palm Springs. Since graduating from college and starting a new life up here, we see each other less but the love has always been there. I know that my grandparents loved being our grandparents. I can't wait to see them with my baby and get glimpses of what it was like when they first met me.

OK, enough for now. We have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, which I still get anxious about even after getting "over the hump". Say prayers for a sweet heartbeat and a growing uterus!

I'm Pooped.

2011-05-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

:: 12 Week Bump Shot taken on Wednesday, April 27th ::

People said that once I'm out of my first trimester, I'm going to start to feel "awesome", "super energetic", "back to normal"... Nope. I am still feeling blessed beyond belief, but boy am I pooped. I started feeling nauseas around 6.5 weeks and learned how to manage it early - eat even when you don't want to. My relationship with food changed instantly. I used to love feeling hungry. I would be stuffing my face and already thinking about my next meal before I got knocked up. Not now. I have lived on tangerines and Carnation Instant Breakfasts. Before I got pregnant, I was a sucker for carbs. I would do anything for carbs. I've quickly learned over the last 7 weeks that carbs get me no where. It's all about the protein, which for some reason is the last thing I want to eat. Chicken? No thank you. (Unless fried, and doused in Red Robin's honey mustard dressing of course.) Steak? Ew. Eggs - sometimes, but not often. (Unless accompanied by a nice slice of American cheese and purchased at McDonald's.) I was liking cottage cheese there for awhile, but quickly became turned off. The same went for yogurt - the texture kills me. I'll tell you one thing - this makes dinner time especially fun. Not just for me, but for my sweet hubby who has to get creative every night with dinner suggestions in hopes of getting even a tiny nod from his super low maintenance wife. (The winners so far have been chicken terriyaki, his enchiladas, cheese burgers, and grilled cheese sandwiches.) Again, the guy deserves the Patience Award of the Year to sit next to his already annual achievement of the Husband of the Year award.

I have had minor glimpses of what may turn into the Honeymoon Trimester. However, I think I may have used up all of my energy for the next three months in New York with my mom and Trev. For some reason, I did pretty dang good there - walking all over town, not being too high maintenance with food, and not super nauseas (despite all of the "smells" of the city... wow). Payback came the second we landed back in Seattle, when I found myself in the airport bathroom losing my cookies. Welcome Home!

Below you'll see some pics from our trip to NYC! We had a great time - and the bambino did well on his/her first trip to the Big Apple!

first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...

2011-04-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

a baby in a baby carriage! (Hence my long drawn out absence on here!)

Ty and I are thrilled to announce that we've got a bun in the oven... a bambino on the way... a mini Jensen... it's happening. For real.

Since March 1st, when I saw a positive pregnancy test, I've been in absolute amazement and have felt more emotions then I thought were even possible. Of all things that I've felt, lucky is probably the biggest emotion. I am lucky. From the moment I saw "pregnant" on that Clear Blue Easy (and the 6 others that followed it), I've felt like the luckiest girl in the world. To see those words on a test, so early into trying for a baby, is absolutely amazing. (We weren't really "trying" but I guess we weren't "not trying" either. Gotta love that phrase!) I realize that seeing those words is no small feat. Some of the most amazing women that I know have waited months and even years to see those words. Some never see them at all. I will never take it lightly because I am blessed beyond words to have life inside me. It's something I have always wanted - so badly in fact, that the last 8 weeks have been filled with feelings of not only luck, but also pure anxiety. I didn't expect to feel so anxious. I was anxious not about the change Ty and I are about to experience (that will come later, I'm sure), not about what I can or can't eat, do or not do. But about what I simply can't control. I was so nervous that I would lose something that I have dreamt about my whole life. Learning you are pregnant at 3 weeks 6 days, while a technological win, is a total pain in the you know what when all you want to do is fast forward time and be "in the safe zone" as I've heard so many close to me refer to it this week. While there is some truth to that, I also understand that until this sweet baby is in our arms, I will probably still be anxious (at times!) about what I can't control. (Just the beginning of parenthood, right?)

Until then, I am going to live each day in the moment. I am loving that Ty and I have created life and for now, I am this sweet babe's protector. I'm excited to leverage this blog to chronicle the journey ahead - the good and the hilarious!

Thank you to everyone who has been so fantastic to Ty and I. You continue to support us in ways we never thought imaginable. We love you so much and can't wait for you to be apart of this little life's world. Here's to our 11/11 baby and all that we have to look forward to (and do!) before he or she's arrival!

Just a small sampling of the books I've started reading the last 8 weeks!

my Ty top 10

2011-03-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

Of course the list goes on and on, but if I were to narrow it down to the top 10 reasons why I love my husband, it would go a little something like this.

10. I love his positive attitude. The guy is always so incredibly positive. He sees the glass as half full all the freaking time. He's got good energy, good vibes, and knows how to make people feel good. Love.

9. He has an incredible work ethic. There are times where this annoys me (weird) but despite that, he works so hard. Case in point: He went on a business trip to LA last year and instead of telling his boss that he may need to step out of the meeting a little early in order to make his Friday 7pm flight, he simply didn't. He missed his flight and couldn't get on another one until the next evening. Of course this killed me, but I had to admire how committed he was to not being "that guy" and instead he stuck through the meeting until the end.

8. He'd do anything for our pups. He'll walk them in the rain at 10pm after working a long day. He'll take them to get groomed, which they love (not). He'll get their butts pushed, which they love even more. He'll pick them up fun dog bones at the pet store. He's a sucker for the dogs. I love it, because I'm not.

7. He loves his parents and his sister. I love how close he is to them and how much he respects them. They always say "the boys go away" after they move on and get married. I am sure that is the case when there was never much of a relationship there anyway. He is a loyal son that is there for his parents. He stops by, he checks in. He's a great son.

6. He loves my family like they are his own. He loves my brothers and would do absolutely anything for them. I love him for this. He'll take his day off work to spend with Cam. He's picked Trev up at the airport at 5:30am. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

5. He makes late night trips to the store for whatever it is I may mention being in the mood for. It takes one "you know what sounds good?" at any time of the night, and he's got his shoes on before I even finish my sentence.

4. He knows how to mix a mean cocktail. He's so creative and fun when it comes to mixing drinks. I love how excited he gets to make me something yummy. My fave: Sunset Martini (pineapple juice, coconut rum, grenadine, and vodka.)

3. He vacuums every week. Enough said.

2. He cleans the toilets. Enough said.

And the #1 reason I love Ty:

1. He teaches me something new everyday. About him. About me. About life. About how to live it and love it. He gives me perspective and reminds me that nothing is ever too big for us. We've got it. When I am worried about something, his coin phrase is always, "Babe - just remember, they can't eat you."

That's love. And I'm in it.

Here we are signing our lives away in Maui on 5.18.2009, getting our marriage license.

ain't no sunshine

2011-02-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

Ty left this morning at 6am for a flight to CA for work. 6am! First of all - it's Sunday. And he has to work today. That's no fun for him.

But back to me.

I'm so bored this morning without him here. He's left on a work trip on a weekend before, and now I remember how much I hate it. (Allotta - I don't know how you do this all the time.)

I love our weekends together - especially Sunday's. Typically we'll wake up and play with the pups in bed for a little while before Ben can't handle it anymore and tosses himself off the bed only to park himself in our door way with this look that says "Seriously? Get up. You are so lazy." Then we'll put on our Sunday Best (me in my lulu workout pants that are covered in dog hair, and a faded black zip up with a broken zipper; Ty always looks decent - big shocker). We'll get the dogs ready and we'll cram into the Jeep and head to our favorite Starbucks. Ty will get a drip coffee and a donut (so low maintenance), and he'll order me my tall soy 1 pump caramel latte and artisan ham sandwich, minus the ham (so not). As he waits in the line that is practically out the door, I find the two cozy blue chairs and sprawl our stuff over them to ensure everyone knows that they are taken. (Lately, I will obsess over several games of Snood, while he educates himself and reads the paper.)

We take little breaks in between games and articles to peek out the window only to see the pups intensely staring at the front door to Starbucks waiting to see us come out. They don't know we are looking out at them through a side window and it's enough to make your heart burst out of your chest. It only takes about 3 peeks before we are ready to go reunite with them again.

The rest of the day usually involves catching up on intelligent shows like Jersey Shore, Diners, Drive-In's & Dives, and Modern Family before we decide to get started on dinner that lately we've been making together over a fun cocktail, or 5.

Today will be different.

And I need to get over it.

But I won't.

Not until Tuesday night when he's back home again.

Thank God I go back to work tomorrow. This is pathetic.

circles

2011-02-24T19:04:00.000-08:00

I don't like death. I am not OK with it. There's nothing good about it. Nothing comforting. It's. just. sad. It's sad. I don't like thinking about losing people close to me and I will admit that there are times I freak myself out. What if Ty didn't make it home tonight? What if something happened to my brother in NYC? What if pedicures with my mom on Saturday was the last time we did that together? What if, what if, what if. It's horrible. It's depressing to think about that. Does anyone else do this, or did I just wave my freak flag loud and proud?

Anyway.

This past week on one of my all time favorite shows - The Bachelor - our dear Shawntel decided to take us behind the scenes at her place of work - the mortuary. No freaking thank you. Ever since this episode, I have these images of things I never asked to witness. Yes, I could have zipped through it on my DVR, but every time I thought to do it, I thought it was almost over. It was so incredibly disturbing to watch her put poor Brad up there on the table and talk through what she would do to him if he were one of her "customers" - what tools she'd use, what would happen to him when she used the tools on him. The absolute worst part of the entire segment was when she opened up the burner that people get cremated in. What?! I know. Sick. Scary. Again, no freaking thank you.

I know there are some people out there, like Shawntel, that are not at all bothered by these concepts. They have the magical power of removing the emotion from situations like this. They are able to separate the body from that of the soul. The body carries the soul and because the soul is gone, it's just a shell. While this all sounds good and fine, I am not there.

I realize this blog post doesn't necessarily address my typical topics (i.e. the love I have for my sweet husband, changes in life, purpose, lessons, etc.) it's a realization I've had about myself this week. I don't like death. Who does? What I mean is, I don't like thinking about it (even though I torture myself sometimes per my earlier freak flag waving) - as real, as necessary, and as natural as it is. I get it. It's the circle of life.

I just don't like circles.

That's all.

you have purpose

2011-02-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

Today I was reminded, yet again, that so many of us go through tough times, and it's our faith that reminds us that anything is possible. It's the hurt that helps us tell our story.

I am a big believer that everyone's life is a story. We all are connected in some way by all of the things that come our way - good, bad, expected, unexpected. They make us human - imperfect, vulnerable, lovable, relateable and grateful. They make us stronger. They make us more intentional. I love that word - intentional.

Living our lives with purpose.

As I reflect on today, I think about all of the relationships in my life and I am reminded of all of their stories. The stories that make them such incredible women, men, mothers, fathers, friends, sisters, brothers. People. Thank you for living your life with purpose, and never settling for what might be, but for what will be.

And for my special friend today, it WILL be alright because it's bigger than just this moment. This chapter of yours has purpose.

You have purpose.

Bacon No More (for now...)

2011-02-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

About four hours before I wrote my last post, Ty and I decided to pound about 2lbs of bacon between us for dinner. It was "breakfast for dinner night". With our bacon, we had a side of french toast. About four hours after I wrote the post, I got the flu.

Not only did I miss out on a trip to San Francisco that morning, I also lost my cookies... or shall I say, bacon. I woke up at about 3:30 am knowing it was over for me. Annie and Dumond had been extremely sick just 24 hours before, and I had been watching their sweet baby girl. Annie had warned me of the early symptoms but I thought I was in the clear. Not so much.

As I spent the morning having intimate relations with our toilets (yes, I made trips to all three), Ty tried to convince me it was "all in my head" and that it was nothing a little ginger ale and Ammodium couldn't fix. He even drove to the store at 4:30am to pick me up the goods in a Seattle-Snow-Storm (you know, about 2.5 inches of snow that practically shut the streets down for a whole 2 hour window). As nice as that was, it didn't matter. I was sick. Really sick.

By noon, I was at a local walk in clinic and hooked up to my first of two IVs for dehydration. Thank God for Annie who came over and picked me (and my mixing bowl turned throw up catcher) up and took me there. I would have probably died that day with out her. (Exaggeration alert - maybe not "die", but whatever happens to you right before you die.)

That day I made the decision that bacon and I were no longer going to be friends. No more BLTs, no more bacon and egg sammy's... no. more. bacon.

Last week, I watched Oprah to see the Vegan Experiment episode and decided that I'd give it a try too - for the animals. Since last Wednesday, I haven't had any meat. (The dairy part is harder because everyone knows I love mayo, sour cream, and cheese.) What I've learned in a week is that while I don't really miss the meat, I do miss being low maintenance - when it comes to food. Ty is embarrassed by the excitement I get when I find a substitute at the store. It's almost a game now. What's for dinner? Tacos. With Veggie Crumbles!!!! (Ty's skillet has meat in it, mine has something that looks just like meat, and pretty much tastes just like it - it's amazing! He is so annoyed with me.)

Today, at a seminar, I had to have them make me my own separate breakfast and lunch plate. I could feel the eyes staring at me and knew what they were thinking:

w e i r d o.

I know this because that's exactly what I used to think when someone would make a big deal about not eating meat.

Well, that's me now. And it's not stopping me.

For now.

Sweet Ali Girl

2011-01-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

Ty and I had the pleasure of spending last night with Sweet Ali Girl. While we don't have our own babies yet, we had our first real taste of a "baby overnight" together and I have to say, we did pretty dang good. Poor Annie and Dui got extremely sick very quickly yesterday morning - not lucky for them, obviously. However, lucky for us, we got Ali all to ourselves for a few short hours before she crashed for the night - and we had the best time.

It was so much fun for Ty and I to see more of Ali's personality. She is starting to get a sense of humor, enamored by our pups, loves to put her chubby toes in her mouth, and has a grand old time rolling over (and over and over) as she plays with her simple little toys on the floor. Our dogs, Snoopy in particular, happen to be ob - sessed with her. Snoopy can be a little much, to put it lightly - but Ali is so extremely patient with him as he nuzzles her, smells her, kisses her, and whatever else he can get away with before I push him away. He couldn't get enough of her and she loved all of the attention. Maddie was the protective one. If I was on the couch feeding her a bottle, she was close by ensuring that she was able to eat in peace. Ben watched closely, and was definitely curious but kept a safe distance, only giving her a few smells and licks here and there.

I had to make a quick trip to Freddies to grab a few baby items for our evening together, so Ty stayed home with Ali. When I got home, they were playing together and it was pretty much the cutest thing I've seen in my life. She was in the best mood, talking and smiling. It was a great way to end the night, before we started the bedtime rituals. I knew we were on borrowed time when the clock stuck 6:30. I was actually surprised that the girl was still awake. Since she started going to school, Annie and Dui have been putting her down right about that time. As I fed her her bottle, Ty transformed our guest room into Ali's suite by maneuvering the pack n' play and setting up the baby monitor and sound machine. She was all set for bed so I channeled my inner Annie as I talked quietly to her as I got her ready for bed. (I saw Annie do the bed time routine a few weeks ago, so I did my best.) I was pretty proud of myself when she only woke up once for her binky!

All in all, it was a successful night and Ty and I felt honored to watch Ali for an overnight - and we can't wait until the next time.

:: Ty and I with Ali on New Year's Eve - she's a party animal, as you can tell! ::

Annie & Dui - Thank you for such a great opportunity to have a practice run together! We are so glad you are feeling better. You know you can count on us any time - we'd do anything for you. Love you both very much!

P.S. Ty picked this KOL song for this posting...

I'll Own It.

2011-01-05T19:58:00.000-08:00

Ty went to the store today to get stuff for dinner and the first thing I said when I got home (after a short story about my day, of course) was "what's for dinner?". His response? "Chicken." My response: "I love you for getting dinner stuff tonight, but I feel like that's always what you get when its your turn. Steamed veggies on the side I'm guessing?" I knew that if he didn't say chicken, he would have said spaghetti. That's always his runner up. I could tell he was annoyed with me for complaining. I can't imagine why. I would never be annoyed with him if he complained about dinner. Especially if I went and picked everything up after a long day at work. Riiiight.

Then he says, "Would you rather I make

SPAGHETTI?"

Shocking.

So I'll own it. I am a brat sometimes. I complain when my absolutely patiently perfect husband makes me ~~dinner~~ chicken sometimes. It's not like he doesn't make good chicken, because he does. It's just so predictable. Sometimes I wish he'd say he's making sweet and sour pork or chocolate cake for dinner. I'd be cool with that. (That just happens to be what I am craving tonight.)

I know what you're thinking. The poor guy can't do anything right - how the heck is he supposed to know you want something different if you never tell him. Plus, you are super lucky so quit complaining. It's ridiculous. Now, go apologize.

Point taken.

(Love you, Babe. Like, a lot. See? I'm sorry.)

P.S. I am loving OWN - you know, the Oprah-rules-the-world-Network. I am already crafting a post on this because I am, and have been for quite some time, drinking the Oprah kool-aid. Stay tuned.

Live for Now - Part II

2011-01-02T13:46:00.000-08:00

Resolutions are lame because it seems that the moment you call them a "resolution" you break it and instantly feel like a failure. Please note, this post isn't about a resolution I've made for 2011, but a "focus area".

I've admitted it before and I will admit it again - I struggle with living in the now. Since my post a few weeks ago, I've really tried to take a queue from my husband and enjoy the small things and live in the moment. I spent all day yesterday thinking about my "focus area" for 2011 and have settled on continuing to work on this and leverage my blog as an accountability tool. (I also have a husband that isn't afraid to remind me when I trail back to my comfort zone.)

In just a few short weeks, I actually have noticed myself transform (a little bit). There are actually perks about living in the moment. I find myself enjoying small talk more. I feel more content. I feel more thankful for my husband, my friends, my life. I appreciate my dogs and the small joys they add to our day (i.e. how happy they are when Ty and I are both home sitting on the couch together - they don't have to feel torn between the two rooms we are in when we aren't together in the house - or, how much fun they have when we lay on the floor with them).

I [am starting to] feel more patient and content with today.

I've gained some perspective the last few months especially through conversations with friends, both old and new. At a time where things have felt a little upside down, I am reminded of how blessed I am. I am reminded that everything happens for a reason. It's when you are struggling that you realize how strong your relationships are - and how important they are to your day to day. These relationships allow me to enjoy the moment, appreciate the small things, and remember that I've got it pretty dang good.(They also save me bookoo bucks on therapy bills.)

Enjoying the moment doesn't mean you aren't planning or preparing for the future. It doesn't mean you are lackadasical about what's to come. It doesn't mean you are afraid or fearful of the unknown. It simply means...

you are enjoying the moment.

Wish me luck.

The Dog Days Are Over

2010-12-31T10:28:00.000-08:00

The dog days are over. I love this phrase. I heard the song that's playing yesterday at the perfect time and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I am thankful for this song. I woke up today singing it in my head again. It's telling me that it's a new year. And it's going to be fantastic.

I'm choosing happiness over sadness and anger this year. Whatever happens along the way is up to me.

Here's to your 2011. Choose to make it great. We are.

:: Thanks to our good friend Lisa for taking this picture for us! ::

New Traditions

2010-12-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

You know you're ~~getting old~~ mature when YOU are the one hosting Christmas.

My younger cousin recently asked me if I was planning to come down to my aunt's house for Christmas this year and I told her that we were actually hosting at our place. This was her response in a nut shell: "wow you sound so old". I love it - when it means I get to stay parked at my place for three days straight and eat.

I am so excited to have our house full of people this year. We are hosting our very own "Christmas Palooza" Dec 23 through the 26th. When we first bought our house, this was something I was so looking forward to. I thought it was going to be more of a battle to convince folks to head up North, but circumstance and interest has proven otherwise. I'm looking forward to new traditions this year and couldn't be more thankful to have such amazing people to celebrate with and entertain this year.

I've got a few goals in mind. We're going to be casual, relaxed, and stuffed to our brims with good eats. Here's some of the treats I am most looking forward to / getting an extra layer of chub from this week. It will be a group effort, mostly prepared by myself, my mom and my MIL, Voni.

Hot Buttered Rums
Baked Ziti
Oyster Stew
Crab
Pulled Pork Sliders
Cranberry / Apricot Brie
Pumpkin Cupcakes
Peanut Butter Pie
Egg & Sausage Bake
Mimosas
Honey Baked Ham
Hawaiian Sweet Rolls
Pumpkin Pie

Here's to new traditions and sweat pants this holiday season, from our home to yours.

Nice Rash

2010-12-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

I got a rash in Hawaii. Yah, I said it.

I like to imagine myself as this beautiful sun goddess that instantly turns into freaking Giselle when I put my suit on while I work out. Not quite. Even after my 57 miles. Perhaps I should have started prepping much sooner than 19 days before our trip. (Who am I kidding?)

Not only was I not the sun goddess I pictured while I ran, I got a sun/heat rash. Sun goddesses don't get sun rashes.

Rash. I hate that word. (The actual "having one" part sucks too.)

Three days before we headed home, even after applying (and re-applying and re-applying) sunscreen, I ended up getting this blotchy red itchiness on my arms, legs, chest, and stomach.

Sexy.

After a sleepless night of itchiness (putting it lightly) we decided that we'd head to North Shore for the day and I'd stay out of the sun. While Ty was able to distract me for a good 4 hours, about 4 hours and 1 minute into the "adventure" I couldn't handle it anymore. I came to terms with it. I googled the dreaded words: "sun rash, heat rash, remedies" and found this:

Take a bath in baking soda, corn starch, or oatmeal.
Apply aloe to the 'affected area'. (Gross)
Don't itch. (Yah right.)

We made our way to a Safeway so I could pick up my "remedies". I thought our hotel staff probably wouldn't appreciate me taking a bath in corn starch or oatmeal so I decided on the baking soda. (I didn't need to see this on my bill: "Misc. Hotel Charge: Clogged bathtub drain due to an unknown, yet insanely thick substance - $1,000,000.00.) I snagged some aloe (sun goddesses don't typically need aloe so I didn't pack any - obviously).Ty dropped me off at the hotel while he returned the rental car. (Please note, the rental car place was 5 minutes away. He was gone for 2 hours. I can't imagine why. It's not like he needed any time away from me. I was so much fun to be around that day.) During this time, I poured an entire carton of baking soda into the tub with me in hopes of "washing" this rash (that word again... ugh!!!!) away. While it didn't work, it helped. As did the aloe. I love aloe.

It's been a week since the dreaded rash. But the lesson remains. I can still be a goddess. An SPF 70 wearing, spray tanning, Sublime Bronze applying goddess.

(The "Giselle" part? Yah, that's an "in your dreams" work in progress.)

P.S. Ty is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dark. It's annoying.

Live for Now

2010-12-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

It's fun for me to see that even after being together for 4 years, I am still learning so much about my husband. And us.

I have realized something new about us. Ty lives for the now. He lives in the moment. I, on the other hand, live for the future. I look forward to things. I get excited about what's to come. We are great compliments to each other when it comes to this.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, this is hard. I expect Ty to get excited about the things ahead. He expects me to slow the heck down and enjoy the moment.

He's right.

I often forget to stop, and realize that what we have right now is great. This moment is fantastic - and we are so lucky. We are learning how to balance each other out here without hurting the other person's feelings. It's easy for us to take the other person's perspective personally when we shouldn't. It's never my intent to disregard the right now when I focus on the future. I know it's never his intent to come across as lackadaisical about the future when he's perfectly content with this very moment. This is what I love about him. I know these things. We are stronger because we are different.

Learning every day over here.

What about you?

43 miles

2010-11-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

Fifteen days ago, I decided to run 3 miles a day until Thanksgiving. I'm 43 miles in (I ran 4 tonight and still have 2 to make up for since I missed my Friday run) and I'm feelin' good. By Thursday, I will have run a total of 57 miles in 19 days.

When I ran my first of 19 runs, I was having a rough day and thought that a good run would help me clear my head and de-stress. Boy was I right. It felt so good, I thought I'd do it again the next day. After my 2nd run, I thought 3 miles is no problem, why not do another 17 days until we leave for Hawaii. I went ahead and ran each day, and by that Friday, I was running 3 miles in 27 minutes. I missed my run on Wednesday, so I ran 6 miles on Thursday. Surprisingly, it wasn't hard. It was boring. But not hard. (I had to run it on my treadmill. I haven't run more than 5 miles on my treadmill in a long time. Longer runs are so much better outside! Part of the reason I didn't do a full 6 today. B O R I N G.)

Here's what I've learned. Running isn't just about getting your butt in gear for a tropical trip that involves bathing suits and shorts. In fact, running has become my other best friend this week. This week has by far been one of the toughest weeks I've had in quite awhile. Running has been my escape. My mental break. My emotional release. Tonight, I thought about something one of my favorite running buddies told me on Friday. I absolutely know that running is mental. To me, "mental" has always meant having a running list of topics to think about while running: wishing my legs looked like Carrie Underwood's, my butt in a suit, the six pack I'll have after 1 more mile, getting in shape for babies, the man who ran from Seattle to Florida in 100 days by running 37 miles a day, the NYC marathon Lisa Kristen just ran, the 10K I ran last summer through Woodinville, what I would say to someone if I were to see them again, etc. He meant something totally different - being so mentally "in control" that you think about nothing other than what your body is doing. I did that tonight. I focused so closely to my breathing that by the time I actually thought about which mile I was on, I was already at 3. That's the first time I was able to do that. And let me tell you, thinking about nothing was just the escape I needed.

Today, I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my body and for what it is capable of doing - both mentally and physically. I am proud of myself for sticking to something.

And I feel good.

Our Story

2010-11-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

I saw this quote on my friend Lisa's blog last week, but I needed it today.

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

We've all had things "happen to us". Sad things. Bad things. Uncontrolled things. Hurtful things. They become apart of our story. They are apart of how we live our life moving forward. They make us who we are. They make us stronger.

It's during these times that we are blinded by the moment. The moment you learn that life won't be the same. The moment you know someone you love won't be the same. But that's OK, because you're right.

We won't be the same.

We will be better.

Like a Blown Fuse

2010-11-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

This weekend was just "one of those weekends". By "one of those weekends" I mean, cry at the drop of a hat at random and not so random times. Like a blown fuse. You know, it always feels so random when a fuse blows, yet when you really think about it after wards you realize that you had every light in the house on, a straightener plugged in and a blow dryer going. It felt good to cry. It felt even better knowing I have a husband that knows me well enough to just let me get it out. He doesn't judge me, or stare at me like I'm crazy. Instead, he'll get up from his chair, walk over to me and just let me cry it out, until there's no more tears... or until he makes a joke in between sobs that makes it impossible to continue. This guy, I tell ya. While I wish the reason for the crying mattered, it really doesn't. I don't think it really matters what triggered the tears because I think they just needed to get the heck out. Needless to say, I feel better.

On a similar, yet very different note, I have a new goal. I'm attempting to run 19 three mile runs between this past Sunday and Thanksgiving - one a day. We leave the day after for our much needed getaway to Hawaii so I thought what better way to get my butt in gear. Even if I don't shed a pound, I will be more mentally prepared to put on a swimsuit. That's good enough for me. So far, I have been meeting my objective - 4 days in a row! However, yesterday could have gone bad. I blew a fuse. One whole side of our house was powerless. Ty wasn't home, which meant I was too. I had no idea where the fuse box even was in our house. I finally found it in the garage. After attempting to switch the switches and click the clickers twice, I had made zero progress. Ty was an hour away from being home and it was already 8:30. I'll be honest. I almost gave up. I didn't. Ty got home at 9:30, did his magic and I was up and at 'em doing my 3 miles.

What would I do without him?

Apparently I'd be living in the dark, crying.

The Best Birthday Gift

2010-10-28T13:01:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone that has sent me the most wonderful birthday messages today! I have the most amazing people in my life. I am so blessed.

I have to say though, the best part of the day so far is that my mom posted the most beautiful picture of her and I twenty-nine years ago today. This picture is so special to me because this is where it all started folks. The mother-daughter relationship can't be beat and I am so incredibly lucky. Not just because she "carried me in her womb for 9 months" (inside mother-daughter joke alert), or because she gave birth to me, but because our relationship is something I treasure everyday. She is the perfect mom for me. So much of who I am, is because of who she is.

My biggest hope is that I will get to experience something as special as we have,

with a daughter of my own someday.

Here's to all the mothers out there that put everything they have into their kids because they know that someday, they won't be so little. Someday, they'll be adults.

Someday, they'll be your friends.

I love you, Mama!

t minus 3 days

2010-10-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

I am going to be 29 on Thursday. 2-9. Totally insignificant, right? Because next year's birthday is the one that really matters, right? No, not right. 2.9. 29. I am not 23 anymore. I am not 25 anymore. I feel like the last three birthdays were insignificant - with the exception of 28, my "Golden Birthday". Which in reality means nothing, it's just a fun thing to say. To be honest, the fact that last year was my "Golden Birthday" actually 100% distracted me from the fact that I was just one year closer to 30. I was so distracted in fact, I didn't realize that I had a piece of spinach in my teeth for most of it.

This year is different. I expected this birthday to mean nothing since next year's birthday is the one that really matters. Nope. For some reason, 29 is freaking me out. Annie just recently did a 30 before 30 List. I loved the idea, so I thought I'd do one too (then I saw that she has about 250 extra days to complete her list, so I already felt super behind and gave up). When I was 18, 30 seemed SO OLD, which would mean I am SO OLD because 29 rounded up is 30. I seriously feel like I went to sleep at 23 and woke up and here I am, about to be 29. All of a sudden, the last several years are a total blur and now I'm wishing I did a whole lot of things differently. For instance:

I wish I didn't go tanning every day of my junior and senior year of highschool.
I wish I didn't put ~~bacon gristle~~ Hawaiian Tropic (SPF Negative1000) all over myself and lay out in the sun every summer between 1998-2006.
I wish I would have started moisturizing at 7 years old.
I wish I purchased eye cream at 8.
I wish I didn't pluck my perfectly bushy eyebrows pencil thin when I was 19, because they've been trying to grow back ever since.
I wish I wouldn't have started shaving my legs at 10 years old because now my hair actually starts growing back before I even step out of the shower/bath tub. Perhaps I should have waited until it actually mattered. I am pretty sure John Otness didn't notice that in 5th grade. I'd hope not.
I wish I would have never waxed my upper lip because it's my own fault I will be participating in Movember next month.

There are definitely things I want to accomplish this year and there are definitely wishes to make when I blow out my 29 candles on Thursday. While I can't tell you my wishes, I can guarantee you this: I won't have spinach in my teeth in any of the pictures.

PS - Thanks to the folks that celebrated with me last year - for letting me "smile big" for the camera all night. I thought we were closer than that.

Addiction Alert :: Lychee Martinis

2010-10-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

What you'll need:

A Shaker

Vodka

Canned Lychees

Lychee Juice

Ice

Pretty glass

Yum.

Ty and I often hit up Thai Rhapsody in MCTC and every time we go, I have about 10 of these things. OK, probably only 3, but still. They are so amazing. If they weren't ridiculously priced, I'd probably never leave that place. So, a few weeks back I was on a mission. We were going to figure out how they make them so I could have as many as my heart desired without breaking the bank (or embarrassing myself in a public place). We knew there was vodka involved. Check. We knew lychees were involved. We finally found them at Central Market. Check. (We killed two birds with one stone when the canned lychees were in the lychee juice. Double check!)

The drinks at TR seem so exotic and hard to make. Not so much. Obviously. (I never said I was that smart.) Now, go on with your bad self. Enjoy! Make yourself one - or 10.

WARNING: The evening we made these for the first time, I passed out at 11pm, only to wake up at 6am realizing that the dogs were still down stairs waiting for me to take them up to bed. Good Mom. (Another reason it's good we're not parents to real life human babies yet.)

Marriage actually is hard... & life is short.

2010-10-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

I've recently learned something that people have been telling me for years. Marriage is hard. Up until recently, I understood the words that were coming out of their mouths, but I didn't really get it. I have news for you, folks.

Marriage is hard.

Remember this post? Easiness and breeziness was for year 1. Year 2 is a little harder. I'm just being honest. Ty and I have an incredible relationship. He puts up with me. What more could I ask for? In all seriousness, marriage can also mean some not so good times - tough conversations, hurt feelings, taking care of sick puppies, paying bills, stressful work weeks, etc. There's a book out there called "The Five Languages of Love" that talks to something I can totally relate to. I am a "quality time" kind of gal. I feel most loved by Ty when he spends time with me. Well, time has been tough to find these days. With our busy work schedules and travel schedules, the past 6 weeks have been rough for my QT love needs (and my blog, for that matter -- sorry for the month break).

Saturday was "date night". Gotta love this. We're married, we don't have kids, but we need "date nights"... puh-leeze, right? (Seriously, we need them.) We were heading to dinner when I went there. You know, the place so many of us would prefer to avoid because hurtful conversations are NO FUN but often times needed. I told Ty in a super nice way ("direct, and borderline rude" should replace "super nice" if ~~we're~~ I'm really being honest) that we are WASTING time. I come home, I shut down, I go to bed. Fun for him. He comes home, he goes to the gym, and he goes to bed. Fun for me.

Not working.

We agreed that we need to stop wasting time, and start enjoying each other. Life is short. Even though we may feel like the day is done when we get home from work - it isn't. This is our chance to make the day good, even if our "day at work" wasn't. It's about choices, people.

And we are choosing each other. No more wasting our evenings thinking / talking / eating / breathing work. We are going to think about us, talk about us (and the dogs, duh), eat (obviously), and yes folks, breath...

together.

Kudos to my mama who heard me out last Friday and helped me "own" this as well.

Love you for all that you are to me, and all the things that you may think go unnoticed. Never forget - you are an amazing woman!

Several Sides to a Story

2010-09-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

We have all heard the saying "there's two sides to every story". In the case of today's blog, I'll start by saying, there's several sides to this story. The story of sweet Ali Girl's birth is one that a few of us had the honor of experiencing and as I sit here and reflect on it, I realize that even today, I'm not sure I'll find all the words to describe it and give it justice.

Annie and I have been best friends since the moment we met. It was instantaneous. We clicked over bean burritos and Diet Coke as freshmen at Western and have been inseperable ever since. To say the least. Just this week, we are celebrating ten years as friends. When I look back at the last ten years and all we've experienced, it's hard for me to accept the fact that its only been ten years. So much has happened in what feels like a lifetime of friendship. I really can't remember my life "pre-Annie". I'm so lucky. She is the perfect friend for me. "Love" doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this girl. Especially now.

About 9 months ago, Ty and I made our 6 minute trek over to the Dumond's for a typical Saturday night dinner ala sweats. Within seconds of walking in the door I noticed their sweet pups wearing little shirts. I didn't even have to read them to know what was going on. You see, we've talked about this moment for the last ten years. The moment where she'd share news with me that would change our lives forever. Our friendship has consisted of conversations about our future and all that we have to look forward to since day one. At 18, we talked about meeting "the one" while watching TLC's Wedding Story in between classes. We'd then skip our next class to watch TLC's Baby Story so we could imagine the day when we'd see each other as moms. It seemed so far away. It wasn't.

Annie's pregnancy was just another chapter in the book we'll call Our Friendship - from seeing the pee stick, to learning it was a girl, to watching her and Dui get the nursery ready, to doctors appointments, blog entries, maternity clothes, summer walks around the neighborhood, and finally the call that changed everything.

4:30am Friday, August 27th, 2010
* I want to note that I did wake up at 3am and pretty much couldn't go back to sleep because I was thinking about Annie and the babe.

Me: Hi Honey! (He was calling from Annie's phone.)

Dui: It's Dumond. (Morning voice and all.)

Me: Oh. Hi Dumond. What's going on? (Duh.)

Dui: OK, so Annie's been having contractions since 2 and they are about 5 min apart. You should probably come now. (In other words, I know you'd be pissed if I waited any longer to call you so I am calling now knowing there's nothing else you'd rather be doing.)

Me: OK, I am going to shower and come right over. (Obviously.)

Dui: OK, bye.

Me: See you soon.

At this point, I yelled to Ty, as he slept soundly next to me: "Ty! This is it!! It's happening!" I shot up, ran to the bathroom, started brushing my teeth and texting simultaneously to my boss that I wasn't coming in today. I quickly realized a shower was not going to happen. I needed to get my butt over to Annie's ASAP. The formally mentioned 6 minute "trek" seemed like a freaking 100 mile walk in slow motion in a blizzard. It felt like it took me forever to get there. I walked in the door to see my girl looking amazing. She did not look like she was in labor. She was just beautiful and ready to go. Ready to meet this baby girl she and Dumond had been so excited to meet for, well, ever.

I felt like I spent the next 24 hours with my mouth to the floor. Here's where I just don't feel like I can give the day justice. To see pictures from the day, you can actually see the slideshow I put toghether using Annie's dad's pictures from the day. Eddie Bear was with us the whole time and captured this special day. Speechless. Annie posted it on her blog - so grab some kleenex and turn up the volume!

I've never been with anyone during labor before. Not like this. I can't tell you how amazing the day was. What I will say is this: there's simply nothing like it. There's nothing like seeing your best friend bring life into this world. There's nothing like seeing someone you love so much show strength like you've never known. Ali came into this world at 1:30am on August 28th and everything changed. Seeing her and meeting her for the first time, was beyond what I expected. The day was so much of what I expected, and nothing I expected at the same time. I just didn't expect to be blown away like I was. I was blown away by Annie's peace and strength through the entire process. I was blown away by Dumond's commitment and constant support and encouragement. I was blown away by the emotion of seeing Annie's parents see their sweet baby girl become a mother herself. There are moments from the day that I will never forget. I will forever feel grateful to Annie and Dui for allowing me to be apart of it all... to be there on the sidelines, jaw dropped and in absolute amazement as they met their daughter for the first time.

New life is incredible. The experience is indescribable. The love you feel is unimaginable. I am so proud of my best friend. I have a new appreciation for women who give birth - because really, is there anything bigger than this?

I have a story to share...

2010-08-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

Words really can't describe how I am feeling tonight.

While I do have a story to share, I won't share it tonight.

In the meantime, let this picture tell it for me.

(Thank you, Eddie Bear.)

The Love Nest

2010-08-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

About the Author

2010-08-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

I've always liked to write. Growing up, I'd write notes to my friends in class. Who didn't? In the summers, I would write letters to friends and send them in the mail. (Elisha and I became very close with our postmen. We'd write little notes to them as well on the outside of the envelopes. Sweet things like, "PRIVATE PARTS" and "DO NOT OPEN POSTMAN". Mature.) When email came about, I was addicted. I had a juno.com account and an AOL account. I've kept a lot of the emails I've sent and received over the years because let's get honest - the things you write about in college are hilarious. This is when you are really getting to know yourself. The emails I wrote really captured where my head was at during a lot of first time experiences. And they are hilarious. (My favorites happen to be between Lindsay and I, largely due to the fact that these email exchanges were better than any journal or diary I'd ever write.)

Recently my parents put their house up for sale to move closer to us (well, and because John got a fantastic job in downtown Bellevue, so the drive from Gig Harbor to the eastside wasn't super fun... or realistic). As they were clearing out the clutter my mom came across this.

A book I wrote when I was 10 years old.

I can remember writing this story and typing it on Mrs. Micheal's Apple computer. I can also remember making the cover. I was such a good artist. As you can tell. I blew paint through a straw... 1991 at it's finest.

Here you'll see another example of how creative I was, even back then.

Do you like our Uggs?

What I don't remember is writing this.

I mean, seriously. Who am I at 10 years old? Who says that? Who WRITES that?!!?? "She plans on having one child then having her UTERUS taken out." Was there spell check back then? I mean, how did I spell UTERUS right at 10 years old?

The moral of the story is this: I'm still finding ways to express myself through writing, 18 years later. And, if I were to illustrate this book now, the pictures would look exactly the same.

Cheers!

2010-08-16T18:23:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, we celebrated my mom's birthday. At dinner, we all went around the table to say a little toast to celebrate her and just how amazing she is to each of us. We all said a little something. My "little something" happened to be an opening joke, followed by tears. Thank the ~~few~~ several beverages I consumed leading up to the sit down dinner -- or just the fact that words really can't describe how much I love my mom. The winner for the best toast of the evening went to my husband, hands down.

When Ty and I first met, I was definitely in the "single" mind set. I had come out of a 2.5 year relationship that lasted about 2 years too long. Ty was a nice guy. The perfect guy. He liked me a lot. Right away. What more could you ask for? Well, it freaked me out. He jumped into the deep end of the pool, while I was still sitting on the stairs at the shallow end. As Ty continued to yell (not literally) "Come on in - water's fine!" I was coming up with excuses to grab my towel. (OK - I am done speaking figuratively now.) One of those excuses happened to be:

He's too nice. What's wrong with me!?

About a month into the relationship, I had dinner with my mom. She hadn't met Ty yet but I had talked very openly with her about how things were going with him. I will never forget her telling me, "Jord. Just go with it. Enjoy it." So I did.

I don't remember ever telling Ty about that night and what my mom said but apparently I did. (Surely I was drunk. I can't imagine telling him "Hey buddy - you like me too much. You're too nice. But my mom said to just go with it, so I am.") When it came time for his toast, he raised his glass to my mom, looked her right in the eye and told her that if it wasn't for her, we probably wouldn't be together. I would have probably ran away and never looked back. He thanked her for her advice, despite not meeting him yet. It was the sweetest thing he's ever said to her and I know she'll never forget it.

And I won't either.

Everybody Poops!

2010-08-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

Everybody poops. We all know this. Some of us have even read a popular kid's book with a similar title that helps us all make light of this - no matter our age.

Today I had an experience that I have no shame in sharing, because folks, it's real. Ty and I are a real couple with real issues. Issues that could potentially tear some couples apart. Not us. Issues like poop. Ty and I haven't always been so open about this topic, however having three dogs, two of which had a real issue with potty training, we're a little more willing to state the obvious yet again. Everyone, including our dogs, poop.

I am obviously just scratching the surface here... skirting around an issue if you will. Fine, I'll say it. I poop too. And Ty knows it. And if he didn't know it before, he most definitely does today.

In an effort to ensure I didn't skip a beat this morning, I went to the powder room (notice how non-disgusting I will attempt to write this story) in between calls as I worked from home. Unfortunately for me (yah right - stay tuned) our commode had a minor malfunction... as in, it practically filled to the surface and poured out the brim when I attempted to flush it. Too scared/impatient to see what could happen, I closed the door and thought "I'll deal with this later, I have things to do." I went back to work. Two hours later Ty came down from his office and marched his unassuming tush right in there. It was slow motion from there. Right as I realized what was about to happen, Ty shouts "OH GOD! WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE!?!?!?!?!". As mortified as I was, I could not get a grip on myself. The poor guy was absolutely disgusted with me, yet did what any Exceptional (that's right - I am giving my husband a performance rating for his work... he consistently goes above the call of duty) husband would do. He grabs our industrial strength plunger and gets to work. I was in hysterics but I don't think he could hear me in between his aggressive plunging efforts. The job took a good 4 minutes before he came back out to simply say, "OK Babe - New rule. Three tissues. That thing was packed. Have a good day" and off he went to another meeting.

All I have to say is this. That's love. And Marriage. And completely embarrassing, yet I feel better sharing it for some reason. My thought here is this - you people can relate to this right? I am not alone am I?

Couple's Retreat, Yes Please!

2010-07-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have found myself day dreaming about our upcoming trip to Hawaii. It's four months away. Right around the corner. Not quite. I wish it was tomorrow. We've got a lot going on before we'll find ourselves drinking POG in 20E and 20F the day after Thanksgiving. This is the "busy season" at work for both Ty and I and most evenings we find ourselves dragging and counting down the minutes until we can hit the sack. We both have jobs where we have to be "on" all day, everyday so when we get home we're talked out and sometimes our relationship gets the short end of the stick until the weekend. This trip crosses my mind everyday. It seems to be my little stress reliever (and "get your ass in shape" reminder). I think about hammock time, palm trees, beautiful beaches, and sunsets and know that we have 9 days of pure relaxation coming our way.

Staycation

2010-07-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

- Photo courtesy of www.time.com -

Last week, I took a little time off... a "staycation" if you will.

I did quite a bit last week. You'll be proud of me. I worked out everyday! I also ran a ton of errands and got to see a few friends in there too! Ty and I hosted a "co-ed baby kegger" at our house on Saturday for the Dumond's so we did have a few home projects on the list as well.

~~Ty and~~ I decided it was an absolute must that we Ty stain some shingles on the outside of our house before the party. (Obviously people spend several hours staring at the front of the person's house they are visiting so this was critical.) At one time, these shingles I speak of were freshly stained. When we bought our house last year, I obsessed over the fact that they were no longer brand new looking so I have been ~~talking to~~ nagging Ty about them ever since. Husband of the year award goes to.... TY, FOR TAKING TWO DAYS OFF WORK TO STAIN SHINGLES THAT HE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT!

It doesn't end there. We stained a teek bench the weekend before and it turned out awesome. We thought that the color looked great and assumed (stupidly) that it would stain the same on cedar shingles. I know what you are thinking. I could have told you that! Rookies...

Yep, you were right. We made a HUGE, VERY TIME CONSUMING mistake. We stained the shingles on Thursday. By "we" I mean Ty stained and I supervised. By "supervised" I mean I watched him stain the dang things too dark and didn't stop him. (Good boss. I just went ahead and let him fail.) It was really dark. I knew it the whole time. I kept saying, "Looks good right? "A little dark, but it's just wet right?" "It's not going to dry that dark right?" As if it wasn't bad enough after one coat, we thought that if Ty painted on a second coat it would get lighter. Smart.

Let's flash forward to Friday morning. Around 9am. Ty and I agree it's too dark. Right as I am about to burst out into tears, Ty says he'll take a quick trip (take note here) to Lowe's and I'll get out the electric sander and start sanding it off. Good thing we bought the expensive oil based mahogany stain because it only took twelve hours to get it off. Ty's quick trip to Lowe's lasted about 2 and a half hours. By the time he got home, I had only gotten done with the corners of each of the two pillars. Just. The. Corners!

During the time Ty was gone our neighbors on all three sides of our house had spotted me. They didn't have to say anything. I could read it in their eyes. Poor fools. It was obviously too dark from the get go. It shouldn't have taken two coats and 10 hours to dry for them to realize it.

By 9 pm, Ty was done.

Lesson learned. Staining is fine. However, don't stain the whole thing until you know it's a color you actually like. And for God's sake, don't let your husband keep staining them when you know you hate it.

For all you new homeowners out there, this one's for you!

Summer Sweaters

2010-07-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

There's nothing better than putting on a nice, warm and cozy sweater. In July. I actually wore a sweater to work today. While I can't believe that I actually have this wool frock on, I am secretly very thankful. You see, I don't actually FIT into any of my summer clothes right now. I know what you are thinking.

Get some clothes that fit. It's not hard. Get over it. You're married. You're happy. You don't need to obsess over a size you once were. You're getting older. Your body is changing. Ty loves you no matter what your size is.

OR

Get off your chubby butt and work out already. Stop complaining if you aren't going to do anything about it. Take the stairs at work. Stop eating loads of carbs. Use your treadmill more than three times a week. And for longer than 30 minutes.

I will tell you that I have been working out for the past three weeks. I'm still frantically trying to squeeze into things from last year with no luck. Shocking. I thought that for sure it would only take three weeks to work off the weight I have so stupidly gained over the past 9 months.

My situation is unlike that of Ty's. What I wouldn't give to be a guy that can just think about going on a run and lose a few LB's. Ty gives up pop for a day and is back in his skinny jeans. I will say that Ty does go to the gym. He spends an exhausting 4 minutes on the treadmill doing "cardio" and the remaining 20 staring at himself in the mirror as he lifts weights. He then gets home and scurries up enough energy to make himself a celebratory cocktail - or two.

- Case in Point: This was last night at about 9:45pm,

a mere 2 and a half minutes after he got home from Gold's -

He may be onto something, but I think he has it backwards. I am starting to think I may need to begin each workout with a cocktail. I've done some running under the influence before and must say I am quite good at it.

There was this one time. In college. When I embarrassed myself in front of Dumond by running aimlessly down a busy street without the sense to look both ways through several intersections.

I'm lucky to be alive.

There was another time. In Cabo. When I ran back to the resort mad after Ty was tired of me dancing on the stage at Mambo's.

I'm lucky to be married.

Both times I was quite sore afterward, yet had zero recollection of the actual mental strain workouts tend to have on me. I may give it a shot this weekend. I could end up with a chipped tooth, skidded up knees, a broken limb, or all of the above in the end but at least I am one step closer to stepping foot into seasonally appropriate clothing again, right?

Is it too late to ask Ty if he likes teal?

2010-07-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Feeling Inspired - My Punch List

2010-06-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

I've been inspired by a blog I discovered after my friend Lisa told me I had to check it out tonight.

www.thingsiwanttopunchintheface.blogspot.com

Back when I first attempted to blog, I was going for something similar with "Seriously Annoying" but wasn't clever enough and gave up. (I did save my first post from this blog before deleting it.) The writer of this blog is hilarious and has what she calls "Punch Lists". In leau of how awesome I think she is, I have created my own.

Jordan's Punch List

1. Hummers. When Ty and I first started dating he worked for an energy drink company and drove around a bright yellow Hummer with decals of motor cross cartoons splashed all over it. Manly. He actually took me to the Nutcracker in that piece. After I asked if we could please, please take his Jeep. I lost and the free gas won. (Ty lost that night too.)

2. People that can go three days without washing their hair. There is something wrong with that. Perhaps it's because I can't do it without looking like a greasy mess. One time in 7th grade I went to school after forgetting to wash out my conditioner. (The apple doesn't fall far from the tree because my mom did the same thing after she took a bath in baby oil in 4th grade.)

3. People that live in the suburbs and have pets that belong in the zoo. Pigs. Raccoons. Bears. Monkeys. Kangaroos. It's just wrong. We all think they are cute. It doesn't mean we should all buy one and bring it home to sleep in the bed with us.

4. "The Muscle" on women. You know the one. Cameron Diaz has it. Pink has it. It's so manly and I hate it. Eat something already. Stop looking like my 11 year old brother. It's gross.

5. Baby talk between adults. Prime example - Khloe Kardashian. You are a grown woman. Please stop. Runner up example - Ali Fedajkhfejwjsadklaski (The Bachelorette). I just want Roberto to say, "OK, I like you. But that voice. It's killing me. It makes me want to throw up."

6. American made cars. Especially convertible Ford Mustangs.

7. The karts at the grocery store that look like a mini bus for kids. They are huge. They are annoying. They don't fit down the aisles and the people who push them around have zero control over them. Not to mention, most of the time I see them, they are "childless" because the kid's running up and down the aisle screaming.

8. Herve Leger mini dresses. How many different versions of the same spandex dress can you make? They look good on about 3.5% of the population.

9. Lite / Low Fat / Reduced Fat Mayo, Cream Cheese and Sour Cream. What I'd really like to know is how many calories are you really saving? I would rather just leave it off completely. Does anyone actually prefer the taste of these over the regular fatty delicious stuff?

10. Ke$ha. Need I say more? The $ instead of an "S" bugs me. The garbage/trash outfits can go too. As can the dread hair and dude-ish mannerisms.

I am sure I'll have additional Punch Lists because I do often get annoyed with meaningless things. Whew, I feel better though. Just getting this off my chest makes me feel about 15 lbs lighter.